Page 59 of Reel Love
“Wait, you don’t want your dad’s music in this? Because I feel like the whole world should know about your dad-like behavior.”
I started giggling as Ethan blinked at me, then threw a hand over his heart, rolling his shoulders forward in mock pain. “Ouch, Webb. You wound me every time you hate on my dad-like music taste.”
“My bad. Grandpa-like.”
He smirked. “Much better.”
We exchanged glances then started cracking up, the sound ricocheting around the crowded coffee shop. Ethan dropped his head onto his forearm to stifle his laughter as I threw my hand over my mouth and focused on a random chip in the table varnish to try to pull myself together. When I finally managed to stop giggling, I glanced up again and felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. About six feet behind Ethan was a person around our age holding up their phone. We were being filmed.
Whatever joy I’d managed to recover in the last ten minutes disappeared in an instant. Ethan lifted his head up, his smile fading as soon as he caught sight of my face. Following my deer-in-the-headlights expression, he peered over his shoulder and then quickly turned back to me.
“Ignore it.” Ethan’s voice was low, trying to get my attention as I shrank farther into our booth. He seemed like he was in physical pain watching me try to disappear.
I flicked my gaze back to where the video creeper had been. They’d dropped their phone and were pretending to be very interested in the tile on the coffee bar counter. Somehow that made everything feel worse. They’d invaded our privacy, and now all of us were supposed to pretend they hadn’t? It was so strange and violating. Later, they’d probably post it, destroy my home life, and have no idea what they’d caused.
My mouth felt dry. If other people’s videos kept going up, there was no way I could reasonably hide any of this from BamBam or my parents.
“Jamie?”
Ethan’s voice sounded like it was coming to me from underwater, pulling me up from underneath my clouded thoughts and drawing me to the surface.
Suddenly, everything was very clear.
There was no world where anonymity and Ethan coexisted. If I stayed with him, BamBam would find out. If I chose him, I would lose her just as soon as my parents finished taking away my phone and grounding me until I went off to college. I wasn’t ready to let the relationship I had with BamBam go. At least, not while I still lived at home. Maybe never. BamBam had always been in my corner. A life without her hugs and reassuring words, even her outrageous antics, seemed like a colorless existence. Like choosing to be without the sun.
It was stupid of me to think that a video contest wouldsomehow make my parents see me as more than the flawed daughter they’d failed to fix. Even if Ethan and I won, I wasn’t going to have it all. My parents would find out I’d broken their no-dating rule, and I wasn’t going to have much of anything other than a way to pay for part of college, if I was lucky. If we didn’t win…it wasn’t like I could just move into the dorms with my siblings and pretend I was supposed to be there. I’d be on my own.
“Jamie, are you okay?” Ethan asked, ducking his head slightly to try to catch my attention, his voice tinged with nerves.
I shook my head, ignoring the pinpricks at the back of my eyes warning me that tears weren’t far off. In a weird way, that intrusive-video person had saved me from myself. What happened in Las Vegas was going to leave Las Vegas if I didn’t stop this now. The thought tore a bitter laugh out of me.
“Is this a bad idea?” My words sounded hoarse. I would have taken a sip of my drink if the thought didn’t turn my stomach.
“The shapes in the video?” Ethan’s voice was uncertain.
“No.” I sucked a breath in through my teeth and shut my eyes. I couldn’t see his face and do this, or I would lose my nerve. “Us.”
“Why are you saying that?”
I slowly opened my eyes to see Ethan’s jaw muscles tightening as if he was resisting the urge to say or do something while he waited for an explanation.
“There is no way this can stay a secret, and we both know it. Our grandmas could find out about us at any time. Every minute we sit here is a risk.”
“Then let them find out.” Ethan didn’t even try to deny thatwe were being silly. If anything, he sounded like he’d made peace with the idea that we were going to get caught. “They’ll get over it.”
“Will they, though?”
“Of course they will.” Ethan’s mouth dropped open, as if I’d asked an outrageous question. “I could see my grandma having a problem if you were an axe murderer or one of those people who try to force religious literature on her outside of a grocery store, but you’re not.”
“Maybe your grandmother would. But mine? BamBam is still actively mad at someone who said her outfit was tasteless in 1973.”
“I mean, that is rude.”
I started to laugh, then caught myself. “The point is, BamBam would not.”
Ethan’s face fell. When he spoke, all traces of humor were gone. “You can’t possibly be breaking up with me over our grandmas’ stupid feud? You know how ridiculous that sounds.”
My heart pounded in my chest, my face getting hot as resentment coursed through me. I wanted the kind of loving family Ethan had. The kind people in movies had. And on paper, I did. Two parents with good jobs who wanted the best for me. But in real life, that couldn’t be further from the truth. Their love came with a million strings attached, and their idea of what was best for me was so narrow I couldn’t even wear the wrong-colored socks without criticism.
