Page 113 of Pick-Up
He shrugs. “My ex-wife.”
“Who is also…?”
“Who is also what?”
“Who is also theirmother!” Now I’m making a scene. All eyesare on us. The mention of Kaitlin has upped the tension exponentially.
“So?”
“So, I am the only parent to my kids! The only one. And when I don’t show up for them, it means no one does.”
Ethan looks a bit taken aback. “I think you’re being too hard on yourself—”
“I’m not being hard on myself. It’s you being hard on me! I’m their mother, and I take that seriously. I need to get back and keep my promise.”
He leans in and narrows his eyes, angry now. “Oh, so, I don’t take being a parent seriously? Because I keep my work commitments? You’re here to do a job. A job we were expecting you to complete. There’s a lot riding on this!”
My mouth drops open. I could catch flies.
Derek puts up his hands, palms out, like he’s breaking up a fight. And he is looking at both of us like he knew this would happen. Like we are two kids he’s been trying to keep from murdering each other this whole time. Speaking of parenting.
“Okay. Okay,” he says. “Everyone is great at their job. Everyone is great at parenting. All the kids are thriving. The kids are all right. The magazine is all right. And everything isfine.”
But nothing is fine. Ethan’s face is flushed. I’m sure mine is too. And I can’t help but think it’s in painfully stark contrast to just hours before, when our faces were flushed for different reasons.
Derek maintains pointed eye contact with me, as if reprogramming my brain into a state of calm. “The shoot has gone beautifully,” he says. “You’ve done an amazing job. It will not be a problem. With your prep in place, we are more than equipped to handle one tiny shoot. If you and Peter can manage to shoot the video before the storm hits tomorrow morning, fantastic. If not, we got you, so you can be with your kids. Because weallunderstand how important that is.”
He shoots Ethan a meaningful look.
Then, slowly, without taking his eyes off us, he retracts his arms. Like he’s making sure the bomb is fully defused.
There’s a deep, prolonged silence as Ethan and I glower at each other, awash in equal parts rage and humiliation.
“Well, that was awkward!” says Stephanie with a grin, peering around for a waiter. “Can I get another drink over here?”
Jackie squeezes my knee under the table in solidarity.
After that, the conversation slowly returns to normal. And, as my pulse follows suit, I studiously ignore Ethan, focusing my gaze anywhere but across the table. Anywhere but on his perfect T-shirt and perfectly imperfect face.
I eat dinner as quickly as I can, barely tasting my chicken and rice, and then excuse myself early to go pack. And, when I leave, I’m sure everyone is relieved. I am officially a drag. I am so frustrated. Frustrated that my position and Ethan’s are so different. That being “the divorced dad” means everyone thinks he’s a god if he manages to throw an apple in a lunch box, while I feel criticized for every missed Silly Sock Day. Frustrated that he thinks I can justchooseto stay. Frustrated that he thinks I make choices instead of compromises—like a man. That, despite all that, I still want him. That nothing is ever simple.
As I walk down the steps with my lantern toward the villas, I hear a sound behind me like footsteps. I turn expecting to find Ethan, standing there contrite and wanting to talk, come to a resolution. But he is nowhere to be found. It is just an iguana. It stares me down like I am the alien and then scurries away.
Maybe it’s right.
38 | Smash HitTHE MAN
Well, that sucked.
Lying in bed after dinner, I want to smash down the door between our rooms. Or maybe just smash something.
I don’t even know if I want to Hulk a path to Sasha or bring down the whole building in frustration.
By 2:00 a.m., when I still can’t find a comfortable position, I decide I’m done trying to convince her. If she’s this set on fighting what we could have, then maybe I should let her win.
TO-DO
Get any sleep at all.
