Page 111 of Pick-Up
I smile back. Until I remember. He’s not.
He is not my boyfriend. This is not the prom. We will not be slow dancing to “November Rain.” And that is a damn shame.
He is the boss. His ex-wife is a woman I know, who I will have to see daily at pick-up. I am a grown woman. I have a job to do. My kids need me at home tomorrow. And I’ve got to find a way to get to them while remaining Professional Sasha with the others. I’ve got to be in two places at once, like a million mothers before me. I need to split and duplicate like a cell.
Maybe the full-time job is a pipe dream now that we’ve complicated our relationship, but I can still leave Derek, Stephanie, Charlie and Jackie with a good impression of me. They can still be great references, who think of me for other projects. I won’t dwell on the opportunity I traded for a tryst.
Ethan watches my face fall, and his follows mine off the cliff. His brow furrows in silent communication. He tilts his head.Are you okay?
There’s more than I can say with my face. I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. I frown. And then Jackie is grabbing my arm and ushering me over to the table.
“There you are! I feel like I haven’t seen you all day! How’s your crotch? Those jellyfish are monsters! Clearly in league with the lizards.”
“Crotch is well,” I say, as I arrive at the table, recovering enough to present as normal. “And it thanks you for asking.”
Ethan’s hand is on the back of the chair beside him like he’s expecting me to sit there. Like we’re athing. A normal couple, out to dinner, with friends. But he’s across the table, and there’s no inconspicuous way for me to walk the perimeter and get to him.
Some lovers move heaven and earth. I am foiled by a dining table.
Also, I’m not sure I would go there even if I could. I don’t like how lifted I felt when I saw his face, how—for the first time in years—I had the impulse to lean on a man for comfort. I don’t like how hungry I am to get him to myself again. That does not feel safe. Or wise. I am leaving tomorrow no matter what. I am back to real life. To my kids. To my mom and her faltering memory. To my practiced balancing act. I will not make the same mistakes I made with Cliff. When I return home, this thing between us goes away.Poof. So, maybe there’s no point in prolonging the pain.
Wait, pain? Will I feel pain? Heat blooms at the back of my neck, flowering into full panic.
But I have no time to assess because I am the last one standing. I quickly settle into a seat between Stephanie and Jackie, with Ethan, Derek and Charlie across from us.
“It’s boys against girls!” Stephanie giggles, pointing out the gender divide on either side of the table. “Can you guys handle it?”
Charlie raises an eyebrow. “I’m down to try.”
Under the table, Ethan nudges my foot with his own, shoots me a secret smile.
Maybe this is high school prom, after all.
I do my best to smile back, but my heart isn’t in it. The world is leaden on my shoulders. I busy myself spreading my napkin on my lap.
“What’s with you?” Jackie asks, concerned.
The vibe of this crew is light and airy tonight. They’re effervescing around each other, on the brink of completing a job well-done. They’re eating bread and sipping fizzy drinks. I am a lone dark cloud.
“Is it the medicine?” Stephanie asks.
“The ointment?” I say.
“Oh, right. Damn shame they didn’t give you anything better.”
“It’s fine,” I try, but then confess because I have come to trust these women: “I’m just stressed.”
“Is everything okay at home?” Ethan asks, breaking into our huddle. The genuine concern in his voice breaks my heart.
I wasn’t planning on bringing this up at the start of dinner, but I guess I have passive aggressively ushered the issue in with my mood.
“I’m just worried about the weather tomorrow. And the shoot.”
“Oh!” says Stephanie. “No worries. It looks like it’s supposed to clear up in the late afternoon. We can just bump everything to later in the day or even the following morning.”
But what a way to go.
I feel my shoulders tighten. “The problem is, I’m supposed to leave tomorrow late morning.”
