Page 74 of Backslide
I try to adsorb what they’re saying. Did I overreact? It’s true that I distrusted him from the get-go. Or did I not do the incident justice in the retelling?
“But… he panicked.”
“Well, he pushed pause, which is pretty Herculean for a dude in his position if you think about it. And I know you’re assuming he changed his mind about you, but did he ever actually say that? I feel like maybe he was trying to make sure you were all good. That you were really consenting. And, no offense, but I’ll just say this because I’m drunk and can’t be held responsible for what comes out of my mouth—but you’re not always the best at accepting help.”
Sabrina eyes me sideways like she’s not sure if I’m going to attack. But honestly, it’s not exactly a revelation—that’s something I’ve been working on unsuccessfully for a while now. I don’t like to need people. I don’t like to be a burden.
Sometimes, I know I take an offer of help as an insult.
“Well, that’s partially because when I asked Noah for help all those years ago, he didn’t just say no,” I say. “He disappeared.”
“Help withwhat?” Sabrina asks, leaning in. “Why did he disappear?”
I shake my head. I can’t go there. I’ve kept the truth about what broke me and Noah to myself for so many years. It’s going to take more than great olives to open me up.
“Maybe—maybehe was trying to make sure I didn’t get too attached,” I concede. “Before things went too far.”
“And acting like a grown-up?” Sabrina suggests.
“Don’t push it.”
She shrugs, sheepish. There’s a beat while we all stuff more appetizers in our faces.
“But anyway,” I say, “don’t you think this is just another nothing conquest for him? Like he’s just got a girl in every port, up and down the coast?”
“Is he in the navy in this scenario?”
Rita is shaking her head, her curls bobbing. “No. No. Because he’s literally had one serious girlfriend since I’ve known him and, whenthat didn’t work out, he wouldn’t even go on a date or let anyone set him up for eons. In fact, he even shot down that one woman from accounting—the intelligence-challenged one with the big boobs.” She turns to Sabrina, gesturing at her chest. “Remember her?”
Sabrina is nodding. “Totally, totally. I think. The one with the shiny hair or the one with the vintage Corvette?”
And I am staring at them both, absorbed in this run-of-the-mill memory jog when what they’re saying starts to crystalize for me. Rita and Noah being so buddy-buddy. Their warm greeting, despite never having had any reason to overlap before. The way Sabrina’s unwillingness to talk to Noah seemed to hurt his feelings.
“Oh my God!” I yelp. And now it’s my turn to point a finger. “You guys have been hanging out with Noah. In LA! And you do ita lot!”
Sabrina’s eyes go wide. She freezes like a bunny in a floodlight. Only she is no innocent cottontail.
Rita eyes us both anxiously, bites her lip, starts binge-eating a dish of Marcona almonds.
“It just happened!” Sabrina bursts out, finally, covering her eyes with her palm.
“I can’t believe you! With all your bullshit Team NSA crap! Lies!”
“I know, I know,” she groans. “I’m the worst. But I didn’t know how to tell you.”
“Um, how about just calling me? And telling me? Like maybe, ‘Hey, Nellie. You know that boy who shattered your heart into a billion pieces? He’s my new bestie.’?”
“And Rita’s colleague,” Rita adds. She raises her shoulders to her ears, her hands meeting in front of her chest as if in prayer. “Sorry. I figure we might as well say all the things now.”
“You work together? Is that how you reconnected?”
How could I have been so dumb? I knew Rita worked in events for a sports team. I just didn’t know which one. They’re all the same to me.
Sabrina toggles her head, grits her teeth. “Rita may have recommended Noah for the job.”
“Oh my God! You’re that close?!”
“I posted about one of my gallery shows a few years ago, around the time he moved to town,” she says. “I guess he saw it and he came. Now, I know that’s just what he’s like—healwaysshows up. For events, for occasions, for birthdays…”
