Page 61 of Isn't It Obvious?
“But I thought your instructor was married…”
“He says he and his husband are in the process of separating,” Charlie says, looking at the ground.
“Charlie,” Yael says.
“I know,” he says, making eye contact again. This time when he laughs, she laughs, too.
“You’re really not mad at me?”
He shrugs. “Maybe I would’ve been a little annoyed if you hadn’t made it sound like you murdered someone. This is nothing in comparison.”
“I felt really bad about it. Ifeelreally bad about it,” she says.
“Don’t. Just… be careful,” Charlie says. “You know what he’s like.”
Heat creeps up Yael’s neck, into her cheeks. She rubs at a tense shoulder muscle. “I’m not—I don’t plan—it was just a kiss.”
He stares at her, and maybe it’s in her head, but it feels like he thinks she doth protest too much. “Do what you want. Just be careful,” he repeats.
There’s no point in arguing further. She nods, and he pats her thigh before pushing himself up to standing. “I love you, Charlie.”
“I love you, too, weirdo. I’m gonna go put on sweats. Wanna watch the new F.D Signifier?”
“Yeah,” she says. “Thank you.”
He waves her off, disappearing into his room.
In his absence, the pulsing in her head worsens. Like if she’s not actively listening to someone, not carefully watching their every facial movement, there’s enough room for a ringing awfulness. A slowly suffusing sadness, too, that she won’t be able to talk to Kevin about it. She won’t be talking to Kevin at all about anything other than the podcast.
Yael thinks of the message from Jami earlier today, informing her that she’ll be in Portland in a few weeks for a conference and asking if Yael would like to join her for dinner onRenegade’s dime. It made her feel like she might actually have a shot here. Like her sadness is really worth it,because she’s opened a window for herself, even if she never chooses to climb through it.
When Charlie returns in his sleepwear, with two more bowls of parmesan-white-bean soup in hand, she forces a smile and tucks her phone away for the night.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Ravi starts arriving to club meetings as late as he can without seeming excessively rude. He does his best to never make eye contact with Yael, and she seems to do the same. After each club meeting, Yael retreats to her office under the guise of organizing or restocking. Ravi puts the library seating back together by himself and slips out before she reemerges.
He looks at her, though. During the club. Whenever she isn’t looking at him. At the club closest to Halloween, she swaps the wooden beads on her braid for alternating jack-o’-lanterns and ghosts. The next Tuesday, when Leo finally returns to the club, she’s strung it with wood again, but she’s gone for a dark stain, close to the color of her grown-out roots. By Thursday, her roots are re-dyed to the same vivid burgundy of the rest of her hair.
She has a fall uniform of sorts—a long skirt or wide-legged pants, a soft-looking sweater cropped or tucked in at the curve of her waist, and boots that go just above her ankle, often with a heel that would truly make them eye-to-eye if he ever got that close to her again. Something is always patterned, or textured, or both.Visual interest, he thinks on a third consecutive covert glance. In spades. Like she dresses topush the guiding principles of design to their limits. Like she dresses to draw his gaze over every bit of her.
His first club back, Leo had avoided him, rushing out the door before Yael had even made it to her office. But today he lingers like he did at the beginning of the semester. His eyes travel between Ravi and the closed door of the library office, like he’s waiting for Yael, too. Ravi waits for Leo to approach, slowing down his cleanup.
A few minutes after the last of his peers head out, Leo clears his throat and says, “Do you know if Ms. Koenig will be done soon?”
Ravi shakes his head. “I think she has a lot to do before she leaves,” he says. Leo’s face falls.It’s my fault, he wants to say.She’d be out here if I wasn’t.
“Okay, well…” Leo fiddles with the strap of his bag. Ravi leans against the table and folds his arms across his chest, waiting. “I want to say thank you for getting me home.”
Ravi nods once. “I signed up to be a SafeRide. It’s my job.”
Leo nods back. “Yeah, but… you also stayed with me and listened, and you didn’t have to do that.”
“You’re welcome,” Ravi says, giving him a long look. “Are you doing okay?”
Leo shrugs. “I haven’t told them yet,” he says.
“If you want to talk more,” Ravi says, “you know where to find me.”
