Page 47 of Has Anyone Seen My Sex Life?
Diana’s face booms through the office like a comedy foghorn and a few colleagues jump up in their seats. I pretend I wasn’t looking at my phone on company time and hold a thumbs up. Diana claps in the same manner of an enthusiastic gym teacher.
‘I need everyone on editorial in the meeting room in twenty minutes please.’
I look over at Kirsty, who is compiling obituaries and catches my eye over her computer. I lied. Maybe things could be worse and I could be prioritising whose death is more worthy of the column inches. ‘Rumour is Di’s got a huge article on the go,’ she tells me. ‘She was approached by a national.’
‘Is it about the Crook Road development and all the council payoffs?’
Kirsty shrugs. It’s not the most sensational story, but Di has uncovered evidence of councillors taking backhanders and so I can understand how in the current political climate, it may be of interest. Certainly beats stolen goal posts.
My phone bleeps again:
I don’t get these bags lined up at the door. Do I have to get in the water at the swimming class? I don’t have trunks.
Stu is still with us and as payment and penance for having slept with my sister, he’s paying his dues and helping us with the school runs and extracurricular activities. I’m not sure if this is a good thing. It seems he’s very good at giving our girls biscuits but has yet to master how to put on a nappy or put the toilet seat down.
Blue bag with butterflies is ballet, 4–4.30p.m. at the Town Hall. Purple drawstring bag is swimming, 6–6.30p.m. at the Leisure Centre. Other bag is a change bag for P. You can get in the water if u want but you may be asked to leave.
Who’s P?
Polly
Just pulling your chain
Don’t do that
He replies with a thumbs up. They’ll be doing ballet in their swimming costumes, won’t they?
A cup of tea appears on my desk.
‘Three sugars and there were Nice biscuits today. Did you know that you say it “niece” not “nice”? Apparently, they’re named after the French town.’
‘That’s proper pub quiz trivia knowledge right there, Tim.’
He smiles and props himself next to my desk. I’ve seen Tim with new eyes since he came round to the house with gifts when I was incapacitated. Before, Danny and I would joke that he kept me close because he was crushing over me, but the gesture he made was real and honest. I don’t think he fancies me and it’d be weird if he did, but I quite like his sincerity and the fact he brought me Minstrels when I was broken. I’ve liked people for far less. We also have that common bond where we both relocated to this part of the country. I was lucky in that when we moved here, I inherited friends and family and could start friendships at school gates but he’s been dropped into a local newspaper in a small town knowing no one. I feel for him, recalling the memory of what it’s like to ache with loneliness in a new place. It’s made me promise to try harder with him.
‘Good weekend?’
He freezes hearing me initiate some idle chit-chat.
‘I…ummm, I’ve joined this walking club. It was cool. You?’
‘You know… the kids and family and stuff. You should come around and meet the girls sometime actually? We have Danny’s brother, Stu staying with us too. You’d like him, he’s younger and cooler than me and arguably more fun.’
He shifts his eyes awkwardly.
‘OK?’
That was easier than I thought. There’s a moment of silence as we sip our tea. I study his face. There is a lot between us that is unsaid. You possibly saw a sex shopping site on my phone that morning at work. But you did save my life when I choked on a biscuit. Then you visited me with flowers and chocolates. I still don’t know if your liking of me is professional or personal. But then again you’re completely non-threatening. And you make me tea.
‘You’re cool.’
I’m not sure if he’s means that or whether it’s just him being sweet but I’ll take it. I am cool. Wassup.
‘I was, back in the day, maybe less so now…so…how are you finding Kendal? Have you sorted the dodgy pubs from the good ones?’
He laughs. ‘There’s not much of a scene, eh?’
‘Unfortunately not. And are you dating anyone?’
