Page 86 of Has Anyone Seen My Sex Life?
‘It’s all very in-your-face.’
Danny pulls a face. Where are your big words, journalist lady? He looks at me and suddenly comprehends my stunned mullet face. Something is awry. Come on Morton, you know what this is about. He offers me a crisp which I refuse through sheer disappointment that he can’t mind read and the fact it’s cheese and onion. Tim seems to be glaring over at Ru and Ro. I have to intervene.
‘Danny, Stu…Tim thought today was a good way to investigate the Mintcake thing.’ I let out a nervous laugh at the end of the sentence. Danny is quiet.
Stu tries to act along. ‘Good shout, Timster. What were you thinking?’ He offers up a pork scratching as some way of distracting him.
‘Well, the artist Rowan O’Shea…seems like she could be connected to it some way?’
Danny looks over open-mouthed at Ro like a confused child. Get with the programme, Morton.
‘You know that Danny, Rufus and Ro are old mates? He was best man at their wedding,’ adds Stu.
‘Oh…I didn’t…I mean, they’re very unlike you.’
Danny finally steps in; he’s heard it before but he always feels the need to defend their friendship. ‘Salt of the earth, Ru. Top fella. Ro’s class act as well…’
‘Is he an artist too?’
‘Farmer…’
‘So they’re both from Kendal, interesting…’
I have to act here. I let out that nervous laugh again. ‘To be honest, I’d be surprised if it was either of them. They literally live in a field in a house they built themselves. I think Ru has a Nokia 5310. Techno-phobes, not that way inclined,’ I suggest awkwardly.
‘When I want to meet Ru for a drink, I literally have to send a pigeon out with a little note tied to his neck,’ adds Danny.
Danny has taken it too far. It’s all a lie, of course – they have iPhones and laptops but this helps us detract attention from our good friends who don’t have to get dragged into this Mintcake debacle.
Tim looks perplexed. ‘Oh, well I can shoot that idea down again. Back to square one.’
‘It was a good idea but I can vouch for this lot. They don’t have the tech savvy and why would they have this exhibition on…as a sideline? This is loud, evocative, truthful in its message. It goes against Mintcake’s clandestine approach.’
Danny smiles. The lady found her words. Tim nods.
‘But given the Captain’s interests, it’s likely he might be in the room, right?’
‘Maybe.’ Danny is not subtle here. He turns to face a lino print of multiple vulvas. If you stand far enough back from it, it looks like rows of sea urchins.
‘I’ll go around and mingle. Maybe it will throw up some clues.’
I nod. ‘Good plan.’
He leaves Danny, Stu and me watching him as he moves away slowly into the mass of people.
‘You both didn’t think to get me a drink?’
They both shrug.
‘What do we do about Inspector Clouseau then?’ asks Stu. ‘Should I walk around with him?’
I shake my head. We’ve diverted attention from our friends. There are just too many people in here for Tim to question everyone. Steph suddenly appears again with her husband in tow.
‘Mr Glendale, good to see you after all this time, sir,’ mumbles Danny, his shoulders slouched, as he regresses into his moody teen years. I smirk a little.
‘You can call me Bert, Daniel. I’ve not had you in my classroom for a while.’
He even has an old man name. He turns to me and extends his hand.
