Page 108 of Has Anyone Seen My Sex Life?
‘Where you been lad?’ asks Danny.
‘Doing my bit for the children, naturally. I heard I missed a fight?’
‘Indeed you did. You missed your brother trying to keep the peace,’ I inform him.
Stu doesn’t look impressed. ‘Danny Morton I know would have got stuck in.’
‘Danny Morton’s a changed man now,’ he replies, looking over at me.
Stu swipes Danny’s Styrofoam cup and takes a swig. He chokes a little. ‘Geez, this is where the party’s at then. You could strip paint with that.’ He takes the rucksack off his back and reveals a bottle of gin with a box of baby rusks. How we’ve changed this one.
‘Let’s crack this open too. Cin cin.’ He pours himself a generous measure. ‘So, I have news,’ announces Stu.
Danny and I wait with bated breath.
‘Just been on the phone with Craig Moon, remember him?’
‘Moonsy? One with the big face?’ replies Danny.
‘Very one. Lad made money apparently reconditioning gypsy caravans for glamping. But guess where he’s headed off season?’
Danny pauses and smiles. ‘Chamonix, no doubt.’ He laughs and shakes his head. ‘When you off?’
‘Tomorrow morning, my ride leaves at 5a.m.’
He’s going? There is a moment between the brothers. It’s neither emotional nor angry; it’s expected. Though I dare say there’s a smidge of jealousy that Stu gets to drop everything, go off and have an adventure. The consolation being that Danny can release his brother back into the wild, to go beyond these hills and valleys, and live vicariously through Stu’s Facebook posts and rude postcards. I throw my arms around Stu’s neck in a feckless drunken manner.
‘Will you miss me then?’
‘Possibly. A tiny bit,’ I admit.
‘Mum and dad will cover the fort with littl’uns for a while. I need to go see them now and explain – stay the night there.’
‘Mum will cry because you won’t be here for Christmas,’ Danny warns.
‘Which is why I ordered her a set of festive placemats with my face on. And I left you guys a pressie too, it’s on your bed. Hopefully, dog hasn’t eaten it.’ It will be shortbread knowing him – and knowing Mr T, he’s gulped that down in one fell swoop.
Danny doesn’t hug him. He does that thing the Morton brothers always do which is to punch each other in the arm.
‘I’ve loved spending time with you lot by the way. Your daughters are my new favourite girls.’
I swoon. Danny is more sceptical. ‘You won’t be saying that in a week when you’re knee deep in ski bunny.’ I hit him across the head.
‘True.’
‘Look after your cock. Mindles herpés.’
‘Your French is a bit good, eh?Toujours, big brother.’
And there’s another look between them. I know that look. It’s the one I give my sisters when we go our own ways. Stay in touch kid, tell us you’re alive every so often. I love you but I’ll never say that to your face.
‘God, he’s leaving us again? Couldn’t have predicted that one.’ Ru appears behind me, witnessing the brothers’ parting gestures. He wears a baby and is carrying boxes of what I think are his homemade cheese. He is warm and sweet as ever and gives me a huge kiss on the cheek and hugs the Morton boys warmly.
‘Who’s up for free cheese?’
I put my hand up. Like I say, I’m drunk I’ll eat anything.
‘And how drunk are we all? I think everyone’s got plastered waiting for this choir to come out. The school hall smells like a brewery.’ He joins our party by swigging at a bottle of Babycham that he too obviously acquired from the tombola.
