Page 40 of Has Anyone Seen My Sex Life?
‘Beautiful day! Next time, get Danny and your girls up here and we can all go out together,’ Ru says.
Ro watches Stu and me and senses the friction immediately. ‘For Pete’s sake, just hug this out already.’
I laugh. Stu does not look impressed. I’ve not seen him since he stormed out of my house in a huff and called me a bitch in the midst of a mid-life crisis.
‘Where have you been sleeping?’ I ask.
‘Ru and Ro let me doss in the caravan.’
‘It’s nearly winter.’
‘It’s fine.’
Polly looks up at him and strokes his chin. He pretends to bite one of her fingers and she giggles.
I’m supposed to be here to clear the air. Of course, this would be easier were I allowed to talk about the circumstances of what happened: your brother is an erotic artist under the pseudonym of Captain Mintcake but I’ve been told to keep this a secret and breaking Danny’s confidence would only make things worse. I need to apologise but like all good people, will not budge until he does it first. Maybe I can reach a compromise.
‘You should come back and stay with us. The girls would love to have you there. Danny would too.’
He seems surprised. I won’t say anything more than that. Even if he doesn’t want to apologise then I’ve done the decent thing by extending an invitation back into my house. He seems sheepish and too darned right. I, however, said a few misplaced things myself in my anger. I also threw some flowers at him. Maybe I’ll start there.
‘I am also sorry I threw those flowers at you.’
Ru and Ro are nodding their heads at my openly contrite ways. Stu still stands using the baby as some sort of human shield.
‘I thought you wouldn’t want me back,’ he says.
It’s my turn to be surprised. I’m not that much of a bitch. He misread the situation, I couldn’t be truthful and we both said regretful, hurtful things. I wasn’t the sort of person who’d turn it into some sort of family feud. Life was too short.
‘Stu, you’re family. You’re Danny’s brother. Come back and be with the girls.’
‘So, you’re fine with everything that happened with Emma? I mean, it was just really sudden and we were drunk…’
I turn my head to one side. Ro closes her eyes at the treaty negotiations breaking down somewhat. What was that now? He was drunk? My sister? The expression on my face says it all. I will for Polly’s little baby hand to give him a slapping.
‘Tell me.’
‘That fella she were with had gone back. We went out for bevy before I came here.’
There’s a brief pause as I see him clutch Polly that bit closer.
‘One turned too many and we got chatting – about her divorce and stuff… And then we just did it.’
‘Just did it?’
He nods.
‘Where?’
Gill would have been at our house and my girls would have been there too.
‘Round the back of the squash club.’
Now that better not be a euphemism. Ru is doing his best to hold in schoolboy giggles. Stu’s doing it again, isn’t he? Making my sister look like some common backstreet slapper. For one, she’s only just out of a messy divorce but also my serious, strait-laced sister. I’ve seen Stu in action. I’ve seen him use that Morton charm to prey on the emotionally vulnerable and do his cool wink thing so they jump into his bed. He would have instigated this. I am beyond furious. Why didn’t Emma tell me? The shame, no doubt. Poor Emma.
‘She were well up for it. It’s not like I took advantage.’ And there he goes again. ‘She’s an attractive single lady, it’s not like we did anything wrong.’
‘She’s my sister. Beth was my sister. Lucy was my sister. Shall I give Grace a call? Perhaps then you can accomplish the Callaghan Grand Slam?’
