Page 59 of Has Anyone Seen My Sex Life?
I smile at her. She’s doing a classic Emma-swerve so I won’t dig for information but she also needs to stop the comparisons and throwing Simon into every conversation.
‘Why am I still hearing that berk’s name?’
‘Because he was my husband for ten years.’
We look at each other through our relative electronic devices. She still smarts from it all, he’s still part of the fabric, which is why it’s important to give her that sisterly dose of home truth and unravel her from his clutches. She needs to leave him behind, to go to weddings, to dance, to live again.
‘Anyway, you told me not to sleep with anyone until I got myself tested after Stu…’
I retch a little. ‘YES! Do! I don’t even let him use our bath towels and I let the dog use them.’
She laughs. ‘Is he about? Can I say hello?’
I stick my middle finger up at her. ‘No, you can’t. He’s taken the girls out with the grandparents to some farm fair thing.’
‘That’s nice. Tell him I said hello.’
‘I will not.’
‘He did me a favour, you know? I think I needed to have some sex and feel wanted like that. He wasn’t terrible.’
I put my hands over my ears like earmuffs. She laughs and changes the subject.
‘And that whole Mintcake thing, is that sorted?’
‘He’s a Captain I’ll have you know.’
I pause for a moment. There is extra information to tell Emma – she doesn’t know about this wild witch hunt that has been started by the Wezzie. But now doesn’t feel like the right time especially when Danny and I are still processing the information ourselves. I am still urging him to consider the money, to go forth and take advantage of things. He wants anonymity. He didn’t do this for fame and fortune. It’s a bone of contention and I don’t want to start dragging other people’s opinions into it.
‘He’s doing his thing. He’s upstairs drawing as we speak while I pair socks. It’s all glamour here.’
She pauses. She knows I’m lying but doesn’t pry.
‘Mum will be here soon with the girls. You should wait and then you can talk to her too.’
‘I’m fine, thanks. How is the Mother?’
‘Wonderful. Telling us all how to run our lives. She often says I’m her cleverest one but I think that might be you for getting away when you did.’
‘It comes with its cons though.’ I go a little misty-eyed to say that out loud. ‘And Beth, Luce? All good? Anyone heard from Grace?’
‘Make sure you check in on Beth. I’m herding them as best I can. Grace is AWOL but alive from what Instagram tells me.’
‘Hugs for all,’ I say.
‘I’ll bring a gang up for half term maybe?’
‘Is that all I’m good for? I’m the holiday destination sister, aren’t I?’
‘Yep. Love you, sis.’
‘Laters, ho.’
She hangs up and my phone reverts to home screen with a photo of all the Callaghan sisters. Bitches the lot of them, butmybitches. I need to catch up with the others. Beth now has her own baby, Joe; Grace was globetrotting after the year from hell and Lucy was currently earning money playing Elsa at kids’ birthday parties. Sometimes when my girls can’t sleep, we ring Aunty Luce and she sings to them down the phone. Life had spun us all into its intricate web and left very little time to be in each other’s lives but I missed their faces, I missed the chat, the camaraderie. A voice snaps me out of my ponderous mood.
‘MEGS! Can you come here for a minute? MEG!’
Why does he insist on doing this? He feels the need to screech and booms his voice across the house.
