Page 58 of Has Anyone Seen My Sex Life?
‘Maybe he’s already loaded…’ Stu suggests.
‘Or maybe he just doesn’t want the attention?’ Danny hints. ‘Most creatives don’t do it for the attention; it’s self-expression. Not all of us want to be Kardashians.’
It’s a jolt to hear this. To think that Danny needed this in his life, or that there was an anxiety that I didn’t pick up on. Stu studies his brother’s face as he speaks but realises the tone of the conversation has turned and become a little weighty.
‘Or maybe he’s some weirdo and doesn’t want people to know,’ Stu adds.
Danny’s face lightens and he sticks his middle finger up at his younger brother as Tim turns to retrieve his phone going off in his coat. He scrolls through but then pauses to laugh. I know that face; that face where you receive a cheeky text that makes you glow happy.
‘Is that from a new friend then?’
He smiles at me. ‘Maybe?’
Danny and Stu don’t seem to be particularly bothered but it would be both rude and uncharacteristic of me not to pry. As said, he’s bordering on drunk and seems excited that he has someone to partake in gossip with.
‘I’ve hooked up with them a few times. Cute. Adventurous. Older but I don’t think they want anything more… Which is fine by me. I thought it’d be a single hook up but…’ He shrugs and blushes. I feel a little awkward as it’s obvious he’s never crushed on me at all so I feel like I’ve slipped into old aunty territory again.
‘Friend with benefits then?’
Stu rolls his eyes. ‘Fuck buddy. You’re so square, Meggsy.’
I cast him a look.
‘What’s her name then?’ I enquire.
There’s a pause as Tim gives me a look of disbelief. Have I crossed a line? I’ve always been a teensy bit nosy but maybe it’s someone we know? Someone in the office? Did he get it together with Jen from advertising?
I see Stu giving me the same look. ‘I thought you were supposed to be a journalist? How have you not worked out he’s gay?’
Meat feasts, the ‘scene,’ the way he complimented Captain Mintcake’s penis. I smile. It all makes sense, even if I do feel like a prize idiot to have not realised. What finely tuned journalistic instincts I have. Then again, it took me a year to work out my own husband was a willy scribbler.
Tim turns to Stu. ‘You’re not though, eh?’
Stu doesn’t flinch. ‘No mate, but still, come to Blackpool. I’ll show you where to find the decent wanger.’
Tim gestures down at the watercolour cock on the table.
‘Something like that would be fine, mate.’
We don’t say a word.
Eleven
‘So, what happened?’
‘I went to the wedding with him and it was kind of fun. I learned how to bhangra.’
It’s Sunday morning and I’m on a Facetime call with Emma after she went on a date with Jag; he who accompanied her six hours up the motorway after I fell tit over arse over ankle. Last night, she was his plus one at a family wedding which she was hesitant about, but she got to wear a sari at The Dorchester which pales in comparison to my usual date nights eating takeaway in my front room.
‘Kind of fun?’
‘His ex-girlfriend was there… I just…I don’t know if I need that drama.’
There is something she’s not telling me but I don’t want to drag it out whilst a screen separates us.
‘And did you sleep with him?’
‘No,’ she says hesitantly. ‘But he introduced me to all his aunties who were very impressed that I’m a doctor. Turns out the man can dance too. Si never danced.’
