Page 20 of Did My Love Life Shrink in the Wash?
‘Like there’s a hole in his skull and you can see his brain beating,’ I reply.
‘That’s his soft spot,’ Emma explains. ‘From where his skull hasn’t fused together yet. It allows for growth. Don’t touch it.’
‘Do I have to cover it? Like with a hat?’
‘No,’ says Emma.
‘But it creeps me out. And the poo, is it still supposed to look like korma?’
‘Yes. Way to spoil our curry night later though,’ Meg adds.
Emma goes over to examine Joe. It’s what she does – she’s like a living medical Wikipedia page. She knows why his eyes are changing colour and why he stuffs his fist in his mouth. She takes him off Meg and I notice how easily he sits on her hip. How does Emma handle him like that? Meg is different though. She’s practical, hardy. Her intuition is more finely tuned, especially when it comes to her sisters. She studies my face like she’s counting every new wrinkle and worry line I’ve obtained over the last year.
‘Hang on in there, B. And I know what you’re like, don’t google everything,’ Meg says.
‘I don’t do that.’
Lucy interrupts. ‘You do. You were here last week and you asked Siri if babies can see things on screens because you were worried he’d be cross-eyed.’
Meg laughs and looks at me.
‘He’s not a dog. He can see in 3D.’
‘Well, I didn’t know that,’ I reply.
‘So, you were also saying before about heading out to some company party?’ Meg asks.
‘Yeah, on Saturday. Will’s boss is organising some social to celebrate a contract so if Emma could take Joe… well, that would be awesome. I may need thirty Red Bulls before I leave the house though.’
‘A date with my favourite nephew. That I can do,’ Emma replies.
This social was Will’s big chance to make an impression at work but in truth the sheer idea was exhausting and terrifying. When he’d been headhunted by the avant-garde, boutique architectural firm he now works at, it was such a huge move for him professionally that I urged him to take it. But I do worry about the extra stress, time and pressure it’s adding to his life. I’m also worried about being by his side at this event when I’m finding it hard enough to string simple sentences together. Me. Beth. Will. Boyfriend.
‘You’ll love it. You need to let your hair down, have a date night,’ adds Meg.
‘You know what I need? A night in a Premier Inn on my own with a bath and a takeaway.’
Emma looks at me strangely, wondering when my standards changed.
‘Wow, your bar is low. We could do that here. We could role play. I can be on reception?’ Lucy jokes.
I laugh but truly, a good night’s sleep, some grown-up crisps and a Netflix binge would be the ultimate dream.
‘And what are you wearing to this thing?’ asks Meg.
‘Whatever fits and whatever I can squeeze my bosom into. Seriously, did your norks get as big as this?’
Meg glances down and reaches across to give them a feel. I don’t flinch as this is not new. Lucy comes over to join in the grope fest, as Joe’s curious eyes wonder what this conversation may be about.
‘Bloody hell, girl, is that all milk? You haven’t got your refill under control,’ Meg says.
‘I’m a 38G.’
‘I never went bigger than an E,’ says Meg.
‘I was a D,’ Emma chips in.
‘Those are porn boobs. I reckon you could balance things on them,’ Lucy says. ‘There’s a club I worked at once that had a lady who did that. She served champagne off her rack. Girl got TIPS.’
