Page 55 of Did My Love Life Shrink in the Wash?
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But no reply? Will? I leave the room and head downstairs. I haven’t been in the kitchen yet. As soon as I open the door, Emma seems to be standing there inspecting a man dressed as Britney Spears from a strange angle. Emma? Your boyfriend or whoever he is, is in my living room and he’s been super nice to me. In the centre of the kitchen sits a cake that Will contributed to the party. It’s large and chocolatey but my immediate thought is I want to eat it all. Upstairs. On my own. Just give me a fork. That’s where we’ve got to in this party and we’re not even two hours in. Where is Will?
I can’t focus as Emma starts blethering on about Lucy’s punch and trying to make this party nice for me. She then opens her utility room to find Lucy in a clinch with one of the Batmans. I am not surprised but Emma is furious. Lucy starts accusing her of hypocrisy. Emma is being melodramatic about living her own life on her own terms. I try to calm these two with small platitudes but it’s Emma and Lucy. They’re opposite ends of the spectrum. Emma suddenly points her fingers at me.
‘Your boyfriend isn’t even here. He left…’
I let her words wash over me. Will left? I tear up at the thought of that, my sister shouting at me. Both of their voices get louder, their inner bitches emerge but I can’t even hear them. When these two fight, it’s a literal shitstorm which is why I was the one who suggested they don’t live together. I mean I said it out loud and no one listened. No one is listening. And before I know it, Lucy has picked up my cake and slung it at Emma.
This is when you need a Meg. A Grace. I’m half tempted to call our mother. Because here are my sisters being complete bitches to each other and I’ve seen this fight over mascara, over cassette tapes, over space on the sofa. My work colleagues are all eavesdropping in the rooms next door, my boyfriend is missing and there’s a baby upstairs. Lucy picks up a bottle, throws it and I leave the room.
Will left? I make my way upstairs. He wouldn’t have left. I bet he just fell asleep in a room. I head up there. Joe is still asleep in the girls’ room. The irony – he hardly sleeps any other time but can do so soundly through a raging party. I look in Lucy’s room and then open the door to Emma’s bedroom. Oh. Crapping crap. I did not need to see that. That was Sean taking Alicia, our headteacher, from behind. On Emma’s bed. You idiot. I shut the door. Screeching and panic still ringing out downstairs, I locate my phone and check it again, then go to ring Will.
‘Will?’
‘B.’
‘Where are you? Ems said you left? Is everything OK?’
He’s silent. I can hear him standing on a train platform, the distant sound of an announcement and train doors closing.
‘I just needed a breather.’
‘But… It’s my birthday. Joe is here. The sisters are at each other’s throats tonight. It’s a mess. Please come back.’
‘It was just all a bit much. I’ve had Sam in my ear all night with work stuff, telling me I should be in the office. I’m exhausted, completely. I couldn’t put on a face with all those people there.’
‘So you’ve gone back to work?’ I ask him, completely confused.
‘No. I was…’
An emotion suddenly rises up in me. ‘Funny how when work is stressful, you still manage nights out with Jason though?’
He goes quiet. As soon as the words leave my mouth, they feel bitter and resentful. This has never been what our relationship is about but the last few months have been exhausting. I need him more than ever. I can’t do this on my own.
‘What did Jason tell you?’
‘That he told you not to tell me. I can’t believe you, Will. We’ve never had secrets from one another.’
His voice suddenly warbles with panic. ‘I can’t believe Jase. It was one kiss. Just one…I wanted to be upfront with you but Jason said…’
And that’s when it feels like someone has punched me in the guts. I stumble back into a wall, the air thick in my throat.
‘What?’ I whisper.
‘This is what this is about, isn’t it?’
‘No. Sean showed me a picture of you on a night out with Jason. You never mentioned it. I thought…’
‘Oh, Beth. No, not like this. Oh fuck fuck fuck…’
I struggle to talk, to breathe. ‘Who did you kiss?’
‘When we went out that night together and I stayed on. I kissed Shu from work. Like, I was off my face. I didn’t know what I was doing. We were in an Uber together, she invited me up to hers. I didn’t go up. I didn’t…’
He scrambles for words but they just dig that hole that much deeper. Not even a snog on a dance floor; it progressed, it saw them get in a car together, the initiation of something that could have ended up being sex. It’s unfathomable.
