Page 90 of Did My Love Life Shrink in the Wash?
I pause. I know why I didn’t read it. I didn’t want to be disappointed. I didn’t want my pride to get in the way. And he’s still not here.
‘Do you think it’s enough?’ I ask my dad.
‘I think parenthood isn’t a perfect thing. He’s working that out for himself now.’
I hug him and rest my head on his shoulder. It is my favourite shoulder. He’s helping more than he knows by not judging Will. We watch as Lucy storms over, pushing her sleeves up as she does so.
‘Did you see that mingebag over there trying to pick a fight?’
‘Handled so classily too, Lucy,’ our dad says.
I scowl at her for what she did with that letter. I’ll tackle that later.
‘I learned that from Mum. Anyway, squidge up…’
We move up so she can have Dad’s other shoulder.
‘Did you see me climb that climbing frame, Dad? Did you? Wasn’t I great?’
He rolls his eyes at her. ‘Very good. Do you remember that time you scaled the shed and tried to jump into that paddling pool in the garden?’
‘Didn’t I break my fibula?’
‘Three days in hospital and a visit from social services.’
I understand now why Dad may have taken that long walk that summer. I remember Lucy’s accident well. We thought she was faking until she got up and her leg turned into spaghetti. Emma saw it and threw up which is a wonder, Mum says, that she ever made it into medicine.
‘They’ve done this park up nicely,’ Dad says, looking around at the crowds of children squealing and doing rounds of the monkey bars. Nearby, a dad is spinning the roundabout, then puts his hands to his thighs, looking like he might pass out. ‘It was a dump when I used to bring you here. Mum and I had to do the rounds first to check for needles and used condoms.’
‘Nice, Dad,’ I say.
‘Your mum used to come here with nail polish remover and take off all the tags and bad words on that climbing frame before she’d let you on it.’
‘She did?’ Lucy says. ‘Obviously worked on me.’
Dad shakes his head. We look over to see Violet and Iris playing on a see-saw.
‘So I have news,’ Lucy suddenly announces. ‘It’s very important news but I need to tell just the two of you for now. Don’t tell Emma because she has all that ex-husband gubbins going on.’
Dad furrows his brow. Why can’t we tell Emma? Have you shagged her new boyfriend?
‘And don’t tell Mum because she’ll stress and fly out there and make a fuss.’
Dad’s whole body tenses up next to me. ‘Grace, what’s wrong with Grace?’
My mind also goes into freefall. Dad’s eyes glaze over. Lucy met up with Grace for a weekend in Amsterdam a couple of weeks ago. It was fun, debauched, but Gracie had sounded fine. We just all hope and pray that the universe is looking after her and showing her some kindness. She is owed.
‘Grace is coming back next week,’ she says slowly. We all know that, we’re excited about her returning.
‘She’s coming back with some babies.’
Dad and I sit here, trying to take this information in. I do the calculations in my head. She wasn’t pregnant when she left; did she get pregnant out there? Does she have a boyfriend? Or did she have a fling? I can see Dad asking himself the same questions.
‘When she was in Vietnam she met these two little girls out there and she’s adopted them.’
Grace? Grace is a mother? I look over and tears start to trail down Dad’s cheeks. He hits Lucy on the arm.
‘You’ve had this information for an age, why didn’t you tell us? Why hasn’t Grace told us? Does Meg know?’
