Page 105 of Did My Love Life Shrink in the Wash?
‘I’m making myself a brew. You want one?’ I say, getting up.
She nods and I head to the kitchen. Inside, leftover takeaway boxes litter the worktops. There’s a trail of raita. Will remembered raita – and from the looks of it, my onion bhajis, despite the fact I’d destroy a tray of them and then complain about them repeating on me afterwards.
And Will came back. With an Indian meal. To apologise? Or as some sort of romantic gesture? But he’s now here, with our baby. And yet I don’t know what to think about that.
I want to lie on our bed in the room next door with him. Just that. I don’t want to be naked. I want to tell him Grace is back. I have new nieces with matching bob haircuts. Emma’s life is still complicated. Joe has teeth. But I don’t know how to pretend the last few months didn’t happen.
‘Will, did you want tea?’ I shout.
There’s no reply. I hear the front door shut firmly and pop my head around the door again. Inside the living room, Joe sits next to Yasmin, looking a tad confused.
‘Where did Will go?’
‘He kinda left?’ Yasmin replies.
How has he vanished? Again? I head into the bedroom and look around, sifting through some more drawers and wardrobes to see if he took any more things. His passport is still in the drawer of my dressing table so he didn’t come here on some ruse to feed me takeaway and then flee the country. I suddenly see my phone nestled in the duvet and pick it up. Wasn’t that charging?
Urgh, so hungover. But mega night. I’ll stand by what I said. I’d snog you any day of the week. Love you xxx
Oh God. Oh no. Oh shitballs. I run out of the bedroom.
‘Look after Joe for a minute. Will forgot something,’ I mutter.
I don’t have any shoes on. Or have keys. But Will needs to know. Crap, it’s freezing fucking cold and icy earth bites at the soles of my feet. I run up and down our communal drive manically, trying to decide which way to go. He could have gone in five different directions. How are they so good at running after people in films?
It was just a kiss. Not even a kiss. Like a peck. It’s Sean. He knows Sean. He’s got drunk with Sean. We mock him because his dad cuts his hair and he supports West Ham. Why am I so worryingly breathless? Why does the ground feel like I’m walking on pins? This was a mistake. It was all a mistake. Why does Will keep doing this? It’s like we’re magnets, the forces which draw us together keep holding us back too. And for a moment, I just stand here. How is this fair?
‘Beth?’ Yasmin suddenly appears with Joe wrapped in a blanket, a pair of slipper boots in her hand.
‘Put these on. Are you OK?’
I can’t seem to answer her.I think Will’s left again.
‘Was he angry when he left?’ I ask. ‘Did he have a bag with him?’
She studies the desperate, panicked expression on my face.
‘He looked sad, maybe. He was crying. Muttered something about being replaced?’
My breathing becomes shallow and I rub at my forehead. He’s not angry. He thinks I’ve just moved on, with Sean. That he has become some sort of disposable father figure.
‘Are you alright?’ she asks me.
‘He’s gone again…’
‘Will? You told me he went to Baku?’
I did. It was such an awful lie. I couldn’t even tell you where Baku is on a map.
‘He’s not been in Baku. He’s been in Battersea, living with his brother. We’re going through something. I can’t quite explain it. He kissed someone, I kissed someone. We’re both getting to grips with life and Joe and we just can’t seem to make our lives slot together.’
The words pour out of me, double time. Is that pity or shock in her eyes? Please, be kind. Say something.
‘I went to Baku on a shoot once. I had to pose with a goat,’ she says.
I laugh in surprise but she can already see the tears collecting in the creases of my eyes. Joe looks up at her.We’re leading with that?
‘Can I tell you about it? Maybe then you can tell me about Will. Over some tea? I’ll get some food in.’
