Page 114 of Did My Love Life Shrink in the Wash?
‘Did he really hide under your bed?’ Eve asks me.
‘I think he actually slept under there in the end,’ I say.
Naturally, Mum and Dad aren’t here to defend themselves but are in the kitchen beavering away and arguing about oven temperatures. Meg and Danny, meanwhile, have been assigned table-laying duties. There’s sixteen of us here today so it’s a bumper, supersized Christmas with enough gravy to fill the Thames. I watch as they do bad dinner party maths around the table while we entertain this crew of children we seem to have acquired. Danny looks confused.
‘If littl’uns are going in highchairs then what’s that extra space for?’ He points to Meg.
‘Count again, addition was never your strong point,’ Meg tells him.
I smell turkey but also quite a fair bit of bacon, as Meg accused Mum of a dry turkey a few Christmases ago and so Mum now douses the bird in fatty substance like sun cream on a baby to prove a point. I glance over at Joe in his nest of cousins, trying to work out who they all are.It’s all girls, Mum. I can’t work out if that’s a good thing or not.
Our attention is soon diverted by the doorbell and Emma goes to answer it. I don’t even question who it may be as the old folks have all sorts of neighbours and friends nearby. As the figure appears though, I look up and the room goes quiet.
‘Uncle Will!’ Eve shouts in excitement.
Emma follows, looking a bit sullen, obviously not knowing what the right call is to make. He holds bags of gifts in his hands and wears his parka, a checked red shirt (Christmassy) and his standard Converse. Grace, who is sitting on the sofa with Cleo, Maya and Violet, looks over to me, concerned. Lucy refuses to even turn around and look at him. Meg and Danny freeze, still cradling armfuls of crackers.
‘Merry Christmas, everyone,’ he says.
Someone needs to say something, fast, because at the moment all I can hear is my own heartbeat and the sound of Michael Bublé telling me to have a ‘Holly Jolly Christmas’.
Danny goes over to shake his hand. ‘Alright there, Will?’
Meg glares at him. Please, someone say something.
‘Are you here to do magic then?’ asks Eve.
Will bends down to her level. ‘Not sure I know any magic, Eve.’
‘Yeah, you do. Because when we were driving up here, Daddy said you did a disappearing act on Aunty Beth. Show me what you did.’
‘EVE!’ barks Danny.
Lucy can barely contain her giggles.
‘But I like magic. You’re rubbish at magic,’ she says to her dad. He widens his eyes, ordering her over.
The Callaghan sisters all smile smugly, knowing a six-year-old just shamed him on their behalf. Extra roast potatoes for that one.
Will turns and suddenly sees Grace. ‘Oh my God, you’re back!’
Grace isn’t so stony-hearted to not reply and stands up to give Will a warm hug, as he studies the new children on the sofa. He doesn’t even ask who they are but bends down and shakes their hands, introducing himself. Cleo giggles. Violet comes over and nestles into me. A strange silence still hangs in the air like static.
‘Why are you here?’ I suddenly say.
He looks at me, almost hurt.
‘Because I invited him,’ says a voice emerging from the kitchen. Dad. ‘Will, I’m glad you could make it.’
‘Thanks for the invitation, David.’
Lucy stares daggers at Dad, knowing she can’t unleash her trademark rapier wit as she’s surrounded by little people. I look at Emma and Meg, their faces both reading concern. My mother suddenly enters, still wearing oven gloves. That’s not a happy face.
‘Oh. It’s you. Is that why everyone went so quiet? What are you doing here?’
Will stands there, rubbing his forehead awkwardly. So Mum wasn’t expecting him either? You’re a brave man, Dad. You didn’t consult the chef? I scan over the table. Is that why there was also an extra place set out?
‘Fiona, I invited him.’
