Page 32 of Did My Love Life Shrink in the Wash?
‘I’m Beth, by the way.’ I put my hand out to shake his.
‘Eric.’
‘You’re going to be a great dad, Eric.’
He beams. I mean, I don’t really know him but sometimes you just need to hear those words said out loud. He salutes me and returns to the girls. I hear one of them laugh loudly as he tries to fob them off with the Keira Knightley lie. Will and Sam suddenly pop up at the table.
‘Problem, babes?’ asks Sam. ‘This table is booked out.’
‘It’s fine. He was just doing the rounds.’
She spies her jacket draped around my shoulders. Now she thinks I’m being far too familiar or that I’m a coat thief. I try to casually remove it to Will’s amusement.
‘I’m going to order a few more bottles for the table,’ she tells Will, the intimacy of her body language still jarring with me. She takes her Louis Vuitton tote and Will comes to sit next to me.
‘One drink, Will Cooper.’
‘I’m sorry.’ He takes my hands and kisses them.
We hear a song in the background. It’s a remix of Joe’s favourite Groove Armada song and we smile, swaying together in our seats, shoulders moving in time. It’s what we did, everywhere. We know the lyrics or we have a story about how we have this song on vinyl, have heard that band live. We bop in our seats, the music gluing us together. I like this. I miss this. But then I see Sam ushering Will over to the bar. He lets go of my hand.
‘You’re being summoned,’ I say.
He puffs out his cheeks.
‘I’m going to go,’ I say. ‘I’ll get an Uber to Emma’s and stay there.’
He doesn’t reply. I see his mind whirring.
‘Stay. You’re having fun,’ I tell him.
‘You’re not?’
I shake my head. ‘I love you. I’ll see you tomorrow.’
He embraces me tightly.Come with me, I want to say. You’re better than this, Will. But he hears Sam calling his name from the bar and he shuffles out of the booth.
‘When you get to Emma’s, just message me to let me know you’re safe, yeah?’
I nod. He disappears into the crowd and I grab my bag, seeing Philip’s baseball jacket there in the pile. I bet you’ve never played baseball in your life, Philip. I pat down the pockets and find a bag of pills. Twat. I take them all and stuff them in my bag, reminding myself to find a bin on my way home.
Track Seven
‘Waking Up’ – Elastica (1995)
‘B… My nephew is hungry again…’
I wake up on a sofa that isn’t mine. I know because mine is second-hand and has always smelt mildly of damp dog. I jolt up. Am I still in that bar? Or maybe I’m in an Uber. I fell asleep in that too. All I remember was a very lovely conversation with a man called Jamal from South Norwood who liked a bit of Smooth FM and had rosary beads hanging from his rear-view mirror. But then I must have fallen asleep because before I knew it, he and Emma were trying to wake me up in the back seat. I then received a telling off from my big sister that I should never fall asleep in the back of taxis. That’s how people end up in ditches without their organs, apparently. She got me inside the house, made me drink a pint of water because she assumed I was drunk and then attached a baby to one of my boobs before I fell asleep. Again.
Now I’m awake on this sofa and everything smells fresh and new, unlike my flat which is normally filled with the scent of stale milk and nappy sacks. My eyes spy a hot cup of coffee and a plate of toast on the table in front of me. I’m wearing a giant nightshirt and my make-up has been removed. This is why we keep Emma. I sit up and she’s sitting next to me. A freshly groomed Joe in his panda sleepsuit looks over and beams.It’s you. I know you. I think I missed you, he seems to say.This one is great but the boobs are useless.I smile back.
‘Thanks, Ems. Where’s Lucy?’
‘Like a cat, she crawled back as the sun came up. So it was just me and Joe having a date night. We got through half a season ofDowntonand ate giant couscous. Didn’t we? How was your evening?’
I shrug. I’m disoriented and without caffeine so it’s hard to know how to communicate. The key word is disappointment.
‘I’m not impressed that Will just put you in a cab and abandoned you,’ she informs me.
