Page 42 of Did My Love Life Shrink in the Wash?
‘Yeah, that one.’
‘No, still me. We sat together in English?’
‘Oh, you.’ Again, this disappoints her. Will can’t quite work her out and Harry looks like he wants the ground to swallow him up. He gestures to Yasmin that they should go, leaving Will and I alone. She eyeballs me as she escapes back into the studio.
‘Wow, she’s got the charisma of a boiled potato.’
I, however, don’t respond. I cling to Joe, who looks at me strangely.Can we finish feeding now? I wasn’t quite done.
‘You didn’t have to do that…’ I mutter.
‘Do what?’
‘When that girl said I was chubby. You should have just left it.’
Will looks at me sadly, like I am telling him off for defending my honour.
‘She shouldn’t talk like that. Now she knows to think before she opens her mouth.’
‘Or I can just ignore crap like that. Be me. Not kowtow to people’s idiocy? You drew attention to it. You made it a thing. I already know I look different.’
‘Beth,you look fine…’
It’s a compliment but it’s not. I know my body has and is still doing amazing things but it has changed, as has my perception of it. It’s a reality that’s slowly dawning on me, that I’m learning to accept. But for every day I look at a stretch mark and see it as a mark of growth and womanhood, when I spend a day in a room with a group of dancers in unitards, staring at some gazelle-like creature I used to go to school with, I just feel like the dumpy bloater in the corner. Sometimes, I’ll strut around my kitchen and shake what my mother gave me to something on the radio. But sometimes, someone says something, or looks right through you, and it’s like a barb to the side. It’s a dichotomy of emotions Will doesn’t seem to quite understand.
‘You’re such a lemon,’ he tells me.
‘Is that your way of telling me you love me?’
‘I’d rather shag you than her. Just thought I’d add that in. No one snogs that loud unless they’re a dolphin.’
‘You’ve seen dolphins have sex?’
‘No, but she was slurping away at him like a bowl of ramen. I bet that’s how dolphins snog.’
I smile broadly. He looks me in the eye and kisses me on the forehead again, like it may take away any bad feelings that are whirring around in there.
‘You’ve got me thinking of ramen now,’ I say, dreaming of tea-stained eggs and char siu.
‘I know a place. We could get gyoza.’
‘I swear you just said gyoza and I felt something deep inside of me.’
He raises an eyebrow.
‘You said you needed to say something to me before?’
His expression suddenly drops, and he looks at me almost blankly.
‘It was nothing.’ His phone starts to ring in his pocket and he goes to answer it, turning his back to me for a moment. ‘I’m halfway home, why? What do you mean those documents didn’t go through? Well, I can’t send them from here. They’re on my hard drive. OK… OK…I’ll head back. I’m so sorry, I really am.’
Sensing trouble, I step back, dreams of crispy pan-fried dumplings diminishing. Will hangs up and looks back at me, a pained expression on his face. He slaps his hand against a wall in rage and I step back from him.
‘I hate this. She’s angry like it’s my fault but I told her to check the files before sending it.’ His voice is raised and pained.
‘Sam? Then why doesn’t she do it?’ I say.
‘Because I’m new. I’ve got to make a good impression and get that promotion. I’ve been in that office since eight this morning. I can’t believe she’s doing this.’ He carries the frustration, the anger in his tired eyes.
