Page 43 of Did My Love Life Shrink in the Wash?
‘You should tell her that, you should communicate this to her.’
‘Or not. It’d be like poking the beehive. Look, I’m sorry.’
We’re both silent as we process what this means. At best, a supermarket sandwich for me. Maybe Joe and I could go with him to keep him company? We have time, we could see where he works? I want to help and take away that stress. But I see his fingers scan for an Uber.
‘I guess I’ll see you at home,’ he says.
And something strikes through my chest. I don’t know what that feeling is. It might be my heart, a sharp feeling of sadness, or most likely my never-ending hunger. Will strolls ahead in front of me and I look down at Joe, gazing back up at my confused face. I know, mate. Ramen-flavoured milk would have been frigging awesome.
Track Ten
‘Slight Return’ – The Bluetones (1995)
‘OhMyGodMissCallaghanYouHadABABY!’
It’s a Friday down at Griffin Road Comprehensive and I’m surrounded by a group of my Year Nine form girls who crowd around Joe. He looks up wondering how and why it’s possible to have that much eyeliner and stretchy skirt fabric in one place. I was worried this was the wrong decision. Sometimes you like your students to think you’re untouchable, that you live in this very school and you are simply here to teach, guide and be a provider of information. Even though I’m not that cool teacher who’s going to teach them poetry through the power of rap, I always like them to think of me as human, as one of them, so they won’t turn me into a meme (this happens a lot to Mr Willett in physics).
Griffin Road only allow teacher parents to come back in with their babies on a Friday so it doesn’t make the children too excitable. Room C2 was my old form room. It also homes modern languages, so it’s always felt like a very small version of the UN with all the flags, photos and declarations ofOÙ EST LA BIBLIOTHEQUE?plastered across the walls.
‘He’s very cute, Miss C,’ a student called Kelly informs me. I’m fond of Kelly in that I know she has a plan – you can tell from the way her pencil case is labelled with her name. She’s a teacher’s dream, even though sometimes you want her to go up to the line, have a look over it. Experiment with your hair, Kel. Read a book that makes you question the system. That makes me think of Special K for some reason and I realise I may have an ace card in my pack here.
‘Actually, he’s a little bit famous, old Joe.’
They all look at me curiously while I get my phone out and show them the album cover.
‘No way, Miss – that’s your baby? That’s unreal! That’s totally lit.’
I think lit is good. All the boys who had been congregating at the back of the classroom come and have a peek, except the ones who really are too cool for school.
‘And do you know her? Have you met her?’
‘Yes, at shoots at stuff. Joe’s in her new video too. She’s really nice.’
It feels strange to brag but with kids of this age, I need all the help I can get in persuading them that teachers aren’t the enemy. They all crowd around and congratulate Joe for being so much cooler than his own mother.
‘Is Joe short for anything?’ asks Becca with the braces (excellent at long jump; slightly obsessed with Bieber).
‘Just Joe.’
‘Like Jonas?’
Not what Will and I had in mind but yes. Joe smiles and the students coo and entertain him further. I feel I need to have a proper conversation with these girls about motherhood though. Yes, babies are cute but please wait until you’re old and mature enough to consider this life choice. This, however, does make me sound a tad hypocritical. I leave them be and I make my way over to the lads at the back of the classroom; both are in white socks, black trousers that are way too short, and non-regulation shoes.
‘Harvey, Aaron – how are things?’
Aaron leans back on his chair and shrugs, which is standard.
‘Nice to see you again, Miss,’ Harvey replies. Harvey’s a more interesting kid to me. Beneath the hard man exterior he exudes with Aaron, there’s a sensitivity there, a desire to work hard and do more with his life. These are the pupils that become a mission because you just want to steer them in the right direction.
‘You coming back?’ he asks.
‘After Christmas.’
‘Nice one.’
‘Did you go for art in the end with your options?’
‘I did, Miss. That and graphics.’
