Page 61 of Did My Love Life Shrink in the Wash?
‘You’ll understand why it may not have been my scene though?’
‘No, I’m glad. The party was a bit of a disaster, anyway,’ I say, trying to mask my pained expression.
‘How come?’
‘Stuff.’
I start to tear up and he puts an arm to mine. His eyes shift to the bedroom, hearing Peter emptying drawers and cupboards, and then back to my face.
‘Is that Will?’
I shake my head as Peter emerges from the room, his face scrunched up trying to work out who Paddy is.
‘Peter, this is my neighbour, Paddy. Peter is Will’s brother.’
Paddy sees the bag in Peter’s hand.
‘Is Will OK? He’s not poorly, is he?’
I smile at Paddy assuming this. He thinks Peter is here packing a hospital bag for Will who’s broken a leg or burst an appendix. I wish I could burst that appendix on his behalf.
‘No, Will is moving out for a bit. He’s just having a time out.’
Peter saying those words out loud feels like a jab to the ribs. Paddy’s gaze shuttles in shock between me and Peter.
‘A time out? What is he? Five years old?’ he says.
I laugh as Paddy says this. Peter shifts on the spot awkwardly, carrying a pillow like he’s going on a sleepover with a mate. Will is very fussy when it comes to pillows, like a fairy-tale princess: not too soft, not too hard.
‘Look, I don’t know who you are but Will’s really struggled trying to keep this family afloat. He’s working long hours and you’re not giving him much support,’ Peter says, turning to me.
‘Peter, I’ve just had a baby. This is hard on both of us.’
‘Are you looking after him? No. That’s your job too. As his girlfriend…’
‘OI! No…’ Paddy suddenly says, stepping in. Peter looks taken aback.
‘And aren’t you his brother? Why is this the first time I’m seeing your mug around these parts?’
‘I work too…’
‘And? So you think it’s a good idea to come here and turn your guilt on this poor girl?’
Peter turns to me, looking for me to defend him. Not today, Pete.
‘Will will call you.’
‘She might pick up…’ Paddy says, shrugging.
I don’t watch as Peter exits the flat. I take a seat on my battered sofa, staring deeply into space. I feel an arm go around my shoulder.
‘Oh, love, can I get you anything?’
I think I’m still processing it all. Last night felt cruel, barbed words spoken when we were drunk and angry and all the emotion flooded out of us. You kissed someone who wasn’t me. I hate how that feels, how I imagine that in my own mind. Now I just feel lost, like I’m wandering through a street that’s unfamiliar and I’ve forgotten where I live. I can tell that Paddy knows I’m at a loss for words.
‘Pete’s a bit of a titgibbon, eh?’
I laugh and cover my mouth, tears clouding my eyes.
