Page 71 of Did My Love Life Shrink in the Wash?
I think she might laugh in return. ‘I’m sorry I thought you had blabbed anything to Giles. And for what it’s worth, half of what you heard about me at school wasn’t true. I’m not the same girl I was back then,’ she tells me.
‘Is anyone? There’s a chunk of something in your hair,’ I say. ‘You might want to wash that out before it gets stuck in Natalie’s curling tongs.’
She rakes her fingers through the strands. ‘You weren’t Bethany at school, were you?’
‘No, that was someone else. She was the religious one with the thick tights who was good at the cello. God, you are really bad with names, aren’t you?’
‘I know some names. Your baby, he’s called Bo, right?’
‘Joe.’
‘I was trying to make a joke.’
I do a very fake, uncertain laugh.
She stands there and doesn’t reply, just clutches the bag of Haribo to her chest.
Track Sixteen
‘Sparks’ – Coldplay (2000)
‘And that’s a wrap.’
People start clapping and cheering and I don’t really know why. I clap along and see Joe’s eyes scan the room for me. Still here, mate. Don’t worry. The official baby wrangler picks him up and hands him to me and he snuggles into my chest. You are awesome, little Joe. I hold him tightly to let him know. It’s been a strange day. Yasmin is the consummate professional. She strode back onto set like she’d never been ill; they used the really good concealer; and she smiled and posed, all while entertaining my banana baby. The clients showed up and she charmed them too. I don’t want to blow my own trumpet here, but one can never underestimate the power of a packet of Tangfastics. Zahra comes over with Joe, now stripped of his suit, and places him in my arms. Hey, kiddo. I hope this isn’t confusing, little one. Remember: I’m Mum. She’s Fake Mum. I have the good cushioning to rest your little head on. Let’s get you home.
At least today we had a distraction. We didn’t look at the same four walls and we didn’t think about Will. Joe looks tired. Mate, tell me about it. Nando’s is calling. A whole chicken for one. That feels obscene but it’s all protein, no?
We navigate the corridors out and get outside to late autumn rain and a chill in the air. The weather has turned and I’m not wearing my big coat. I work out how to put the plastic rain cover on Joe’s pram and think about how I’m going to do this. I’ll have to light jog, stop by trees for cover and not give two hoots about my hair. I have a small, weak umbrella but I can’t hold that and push a pram; my co-ordination is not that well developed.
‘Are you guys walking?’ A voice suddenly calls out from behind me. Giles.
‘Yeah, we took the train, it’s fine.’
‘Love, you’ll get soaked through. Where do you live?’
‘Surbiton?’
He studies my pram and its attachments. ‘I know Surbiton. Jump in, let me give you a lift.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Very. I don’t want you both getting drenched and ill on my conscience.’ He points over to a very normal-looking Ford Mondeo parked right outside the doors. He clicks Joe’s seat into place while I fumble at the buggy, trying to fold it up, shove all the accompanying bells and whistles away and put them in his boot. I watch as he straps Joe in with ease. How does he make it look so simple? I’m usually left huffing and puffing like when I have to change a duvet cover. When I get in the car, I see a few juice boxes scattered on the floor, a toy car, along with the normal crumb trails you see in a parental vehicle.
‘You have a kid?’
‘I do. Is it obvious? Sorry, the car is his dumping ground. He’s the ultimate mess monster.’
‘No, it’s fine. Ours looks similar.’
He starts the engine and the rain starts to get torrential.
‘Joe did so well today by the way. I usually have a hunch about these things but I’m so glad we found you.’
‘No, it was nice to be involved. Thank you. The whole music video thing too with Special K, it’s been quite an adventure.’
He reaches over, sincerely patting me on the arm. ‘How was Yasmin in the loos? I am glad she turned that around. My team say a lot of stuff about her but she’s a true professional. Never let me down.’
I know to keep my lips sealed but I am not sure how to reply. ‘I think she was genuinely quite ill today. She told me she had some oysters last night. I’m terrible with oysters, they go right through me,’ I fumble. Perhaps a bit too much information there, Beth?
