Page 81 of Did My Love Life Shrink in the Wash?
‘This is not how my Beth dances. Come on. We used to do gigs and festivals in parks all the time.’
Lucy’s movements get cruder. ‘You can’t twerk in a public park, Lucy. There are rules.’
‘There are no rules when it comes to dance,’ she says in accentuated dance-teacher tones. ‘Come on. Tell me you’re the baddest bitch alive.’
‘I am the baddest bitch alive,’ I say in a monotone.
Lucy shakes her head at me. It is a very catchy song though. Lizzo is good like that, the beats are very persuasive. My hips start to swing.
‘She’s getting there,’ Lucy says.
Oh fuck it. I may do something that resembles freestyle swimming arms and a shimmy, singing along with Lucy. The dog walkers who are circuiting this park look supremely confused at how this exercise class has devolved. I didn’t even dance at my own party. I haven’t since Will left and definitely not in public for the longest time. My face falls into a pout, my pelvic floor isn’t pleased but there is certainly something freeing about the movement.
‘People are looking,’ I sing.
‘Because they’re jealous,’ she sings back.
I laugh as Joe looks over at us, confused but somewhat entertained.You look fine to me, Mum. I like your juice.Maybethat’sall that really matters. Lucy comes over and mimics slapping my ass. We may have overstepped levels of decency here. But I laugh, a laugh I feel penetrate right through me. And yes, my gusset is really damp but it’s wonderful to feel my chest opening up to find something for my heart to smile about again.
‘How have you still got this manky carpet?’ Lucy asks, as she walks around my flat. ‘This place looks like it belongs in a seventies sitcom. Hey, that could be a project? We could do this place up?’
‘How? With what money?’
‘I watchQueer Eye. Bobby has taught me everything I know.’
She walks through my flat as I breastfeed Joe. We came to change out of wee-sodden clothes (Joe’s and mine). Later, to repay the favour of her humiliation in a public park, I’ve told Lucy we’ll get Emma’s girls on the school run in my battered Suzuki Swift. Will left me the car, possibly the worst parting gift he could have imagined.I couldn’t shag you but have our old car instead.I may as well put it to use and save Lucy a trip on the buses. It’s also a perfect excuse to go for a drive-thru McDonald’s. The doorbell sounds and Lucy goes to answer it.
‘Who? Oh, I know you. You’re her old man afternoon love interest. I’m Lucy, the cheeky one,’ I hear echoing through the corridor. I look at the time. Paddy. It’s tea o’clock. At least I have some routine in my life.
‘She’s a crap shag your sister though.’ I hear cackling in return. Bastards, both of them. They filter through the corridor, Paddy appearing with a packet of biscuits and my mail.
‘Afternoon,’ he says, winking at me. ‘Tea?’
‘Always. Make one for trouble, too.’
‘You never told me he was funny, B,’ Lucy says.
‘She doesn’t tell anyone about me. I’m her dirty little secret.’ Paddy heads to the kitchen to switch on the kettle. He leaves the mail on my coffee table and Lucy sifts through it.
‘Oooooh, you have a new kebab van opening soon that does delivery and twenty per cent off orders for the first week.’
‘You’re supposed to help me be healthy?’
‘No chips, no mayo. It’s basically a healthy sandwich.’
‘Don’t you worry about where the meat’s come from?’ I ask.
‘Do I look like I query the quality of my meat?’
I retch a bit in my mouth.
‘Do you need new windows or a conservatory? I guess not…’ she says, scrunching up flyers.
‘How do you take it, Lucy?’
‘Oo-er, Paddy. That’s a question and a half. Milk and one sugar today though.’
Don’t flirt with the old man, his heart won’t take it. Through the crack in the kitchen door I see Paddy smelling the milk.
