Page 84 of Did My Love Life Shrink in the Wash?
‘Yeah? It was a tough night,’ I mutter, defensively.
‘Oh, I’m not judging you. I’m jealous. I miss those early baby days of heavenly slovenliness. If you wear the right pyjama bottoms, you can just slip on a coat and Uggs, go out and people just think they’re fancy harem pants.’
Why aren’t you here, Meggers? We could have done parts of our pre- and post-pregnancy together over desserts and daytime TV. It would have been the next stage of our adventures from bar-hopping and over-drinking.
‘I used to spend my mornings eating Doritos, napping with my boobs out,’ she says. ‘Anyways, what’s new? You OK? Are the sisters looking after you?’
This seems to be the case of late. I’m getting a lot more phone calls to check up on me and invites to random sister events. I even got a call from Emma asking me if I wanted to go food shopping with her the other day, like I needed airing.
‘Yeah, the collective huddle is tight,’ I reply.
‘It’s what we do. We did it for Emma, for Gracie. And Gracie is back soon which will be good. I’ll drag my lot down for Christmas then we can huddle super tight.’
I can’t work out if that’s a good or bad thing. Will it be a reminder of all these things that are missing from my life? Or will the company from all angles be warming and protective?
‘Oh, and Lucy told me you’re working with Yasmin King on your shoots? She still a bitch?’
‘You knew her at school?’
‘If memory serves, she was the one who gave someone a hand job in the phone box near the Esso garage. I think we also did a magazine spread with her once about the perfect eyebrow. I didn’t engage but she had an air, you know?’
‘She still has the air. It’s a bit aloof. I’m not sure if she likes me or not.’
‘She always seemed very lonely. I think I felt sorry for her. Obviously quite a troubled girl at school – super pretty, sexualised way too young.’
‘So what you’re saying is it pays to be kind of mundane and plain-looking like us?’
‘Speak for yourself. I’m bloody gorgeous, me.’
Meg does this sometimes – she slips into Northern which just makes me realise how far away she really is from us.
‘And when can I ask about Will?’
I exhale deeply. Meg has not said much when it’s come to Will but maybe that’s the beauty of her; the judgement is more subtle compared to my mother or Lucy.
‘He made me a mix CD,’ I say, almost as if I’m trying to defend what’s he’s done.
She pauses. ‘When did he regress to his fifteen-year-old self? Did he send it with a pack of Love Hearts and then inscribe your name on his locker?’
I see it doesn’t impress her much. It didn’t me, but Lucy made me play said CD in the car. He’d thought about every song on there so deeply. It had everything from our favourite Britpop to gigs we’d been to, referencing the concert where he first told me he loved me, and finished with ‘Hey Joe’. That nearly made me cry. It made me think of how we came up with Joe’s name. We’d liked the idea of celebrating his male midwife, the simplicity of it, but we needed to check the musical connections, naturally. Joe Strummer, Joe Cocker, Joey Ramone and a classic by Hendrix. It all fell into place so easily.
‘I’m just letting us have a moment.’
She pauses. I know what she’s thinking. A moment by definition doesn’t really last a fortnight.
‘Did I ever tell you about what happened when Tess was first born? What happened with Danny?’
‘No.’
‘Well, you didn’t hear this from me but she was born and when we got down to the maternity wards, the man broke down.’
This is a strange image of someone we all thought was a tad surly and non-emotional.
‘And it didn’t stop there. He cried a lot. I used to find him crying folding the laundry, blubbing at how little she was and how he was scared she’d break.’
‘That’s really…sweet.’
‘It was annoying as fuck. There I was sitting in a rubber ring on the sofa with piles the size of dates and there he was crying about how beautiful the baby was…’
