Page 74 of Am I Allergic to Men?
‘So you’re a doctor now?’ I ask her, trying to break the silence.
She nods.
‘You weren’t a doctor when we met?’
She shakes her head, smiling. ‘When we met you were second year and I was doing my master’s.’ She bites her lip to relive the memory. ‘You were kinda dating Tony.’
‘You knew Tony?’
She laughs and gets her phone out of her bag to show me a photo. ‘Tony was my best man at my wedding, you were there too? We got married round the corner from here and then had a reception on a boat. You and Tony did a Kate and Leo at the bow and had to be restrained for your own safety.’
I inspect a few photos on her phone where I have my mouth open in absolutely every one. We’ll blame the excitement, the alcohol, but also the fact I am a fan of open water. I’m not wearing a bra either, which seemed to be a rule I lived by.
‘I was at your wedding, even though we…?’
‘Lucy, I love you dearly but we were never meant to be a couple. You never wanted that but it didn’t mean we didn’t stay friends. I think Tony helped in that respect. He became a common link between the two of us.’
‘Your wife… she looks nice?’
‘Amelia… she lectures in law. And…’ She scrolls through her phone. ‘These are our boys, Rafe and Xander.’
The family picture in front of me is drenched in happiness and I smile. I don’t even know anyone on that phone but you can tell these people are exactly where they need to be.
‘That’s a beautiful family…’
‘I’m so lucky,’ she says, staring back at her phone.
‘So, just to be frank and open… You were my first lesbian experience? Am I right?’
Jill blushes, looking around her before she answers.
‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to just come out with it like that…’ I say, trying to backtrack.
‘Well, you wouldn’t be Lucy without the frank and open. Yes… I was your first. And in the interests of frank and open, I was the first person who ever gave you an orgasm through your G-spot…’
‘Really?’ I say. I don’t look round, I don’t care who hears that.
‘That’s what you said at the time. Unless you were lying, you cow bag, but you were always one to speak the truth…’
‘I…I…’ Jill seems surprised by my hesitancy. ‘I’m confused with how and when this developed. You know my situation. Currently, I don’t remember these feelings of being bisexual. I’m trying to get to grips of how and when…’
She roots in her handbag and offers me a sweet. ‘Lucy, there is no handbook on this stuff, of how someone discovers their sexuality and who they are. It’s a pretty private and ongoing process. When I met you, there was just a spark and you wanted to act on it in other ways than just being friends. I’ve been out since my late teens so I guess I held your hand and walked you through it…’
‘And did it end badly?’ I ask, worried I may have hurt someone who obviously cares for me in some way.
‘No, not really. We were at different stages of where we were. I wanted a partner, a family, commitment and you wanted…’
‘Something else?’
‘You’d just discovered your G-spot so you were quite up for finding other people who’d explore that in greater depth too…’
She doesn’t look hurt or disappointed that we never were but I feel an embrace from her, a feeling that we hold each other in some esteem, in some emotion.
‘Can I say something?’ She gestures.
I nod.
‘You look so lost, Lucy. I don’t know why but it’s making me a little sad for some reason.’
