Page 59 of Am I Allergic to Men?
‘So Farah filled you in on everything, you got my medical notes?’ I ask him.
‘I have,’ he replies, not giving too much away.This doesn’t make me trust you, Cosmo.‘How is your physical recovery going?’ he asks me, studying my head.
‘As good as can be expected. My sister has me working with a physio. He hates me.’
‘I doubt it. And have you been seeing any other therapists?’
‘They’ve tried to push them on me. Psychoanalysts, counsellors, but…
‘You don’t believe in that stuff?’ he asks, smiling.
‘I have four sisters. It’s free therapy.’
I think my problem is that the whole idea of hypnotherapy means I’m easily suggestible or swayed. This goes against my character and I don’t want to let my guard down, ever, not least to a stranger. He opens a door and leads me to a room with a yellow velveteen sofa and a chair, moving a metal plate in the door to inform everyone it’s occupied. There are still a lot of plants, framed quotes and gauzy white curtains that filter the light in.
‘Please take a seat on the sofa,’ he instructs me as he heads over to a counter. ‘Can I interest you in some matcha? It can sharpen the mind and help relax you before our session.’
I nod, debating whether to warn him that if it’s drugged and he tries to get me in his van and drive me to his ranch then I have quite the kick on me.
‘So tell me what you know about hypnotherapy, hypnotists, Lucy…’ he asks.
‘Honestly?’ I say, watching him closely as he makes my tea. ‘Pseudo magicians, ponytails, “look into my eyes”, stage shows where people get tricked into doing chicken dances for other people’s amusement…’
He grins. ‘Farah did tell me you were funny…’
‘I haven’t offended you, have I?’ I ask.
‘You forgot fork-bending and…’ He clicks his fingers and waves them around. ‘… sleep…’
I giggle as he goes over to an incense burner. ‘What I practise is hypnotherapy so today we’ll be examining your subconscious, filtering through your memories – sorting out your hard drive, if you will.’
I want to tell him we tried that on my laptop. All we found were two hundred saved memes and a selection of very badly organised folders with names like ‘University Shite’ and ‘CV Gubbins’.
‘This is lotus and white musk,’ he says as he lights the incense, ‘this will help you get in touch with your mind’s eye.’ I inhale deeply to get a whiff. I can’t tell him it smells like the Body Shop, can I? ‘Now I want you to just relax, slip off your trainers, get as comfortable as you can here.’
He puts my tea down next to me and then does some yoga poses to afford himself the same level of comfort before he sits on his chair. I don’t know how to respond so just do as I’m told and shimmy my shoulders, the wrinkles on my forehead most likely signalling my doubt that this will really work.
‘So let me talk you through the process. We’re just going to get you into a deep state of relaxation, we will work on your breathing, focus your state of mind and visualise some things you can remember. I’ll ask you to focus on nothing but my voice to guide you.’
All I can think is that when I’m that relaxed I will most likely break wind. I hope the lotus and white musk will be able to mask that.
‘Am I allowed to say, you don’t look wholly convinced?’ he says.
‘I don’t know…’ I take a sip of green tea to not appear rude. It’s bitter, which makes my face wince even more.
‘Farah did tell me you were an experimental kinda girl though so it can’t hurt to at least try?’ he tells me.
Bloody Farah.
‘She also said you did yoga – this is akin to that, think of it as guided meditation. If anything, it’ll just relax you.’
I smile. Like Igor, there’s zero attraction there but there is something calming about him that removes my hesitation about this process. Hell, we’ve done everything else to try and get my memory back. Let’s give it a go. I’ll down all this tea, hold your hand and do some macramé next door if it’ll help.
‘Well, go gentle. You may enter my mind, Cosmo…’
‘I’m always gentle when it’s someone’s first time…’ he jokes. ‘Now look into my eyes…’
I laugh. He gets my brand of humour at least.
