Page 72 of Am I Allergic to Men?
She puts a palm to the air in praise. ‘I likes your new fella, Cass. I like a man who knows to spoil his girl.’
She winks at him and it’s clear Darren doesn’t know whether to be scared or flattered. She grabs the packet of Jaffa Cakes and puts her feet up, completely undeterred by the people in the background performing some pretty energetic gymnastic moves to get the angles desired.
‘We thought it’d be a good way for Lucy to see what this place used to be to her…’ Cass says, offering me a cocktail. ‘Despite how it looks, you used to love working here. Behind the scenes, it’s pretty close-knit, almost like family. We had such a laugh.’
Tia offers Cass a hug, who, in turn, raises her mug of tea to me.
‘And you work in the back rooms?’ I ask, turning to Hayley.
‘But in a non-contact form. Olive and I have personas, it’s all very dominatrix-led. I like it, it’s very cathartic.’
Hayley then does what the majority have done of late which is to study my face.You don’t remember me, do you?she’s thinking. And there’s a look of disappointment.We were mates. We used to sit here, chat and share bottles of Jäger into the night,
‘So this amnesia thing. How long do they think it’ll last, lovely?’ Hayley asks, swigging on her beer.
‘Who knows? I’ve tried everything. I’m tracking down most of the people I’ve ever slept with. We paid for me to go to a hypnotherapist. I even got all my sisters to live with me in my family home but nada…’
Hayley reaches over and grabs my hand. ‘Oh love… we miss you. You know that…’
Darren puts his arm around me. ‘She’s still here. She poured a drink on Imogen before. It was quite a thing. Proper shades of old Lucy…’
‘The Fridge?’ Hayley says. ‘Thank god, she really was hard work, that girl…’
I pause for a moment to take that in. The idea that these people know my life better than I know myself is disconcerting but they make me feel safe, that I’m part of this bubble and I feel loved, cared for. Family. Even within the confines of this very unique place. The sound of a man part screaming, part calling out in pleasure, rings through the corridor behind this room and I’ll assume Mr Hussain is in good if very firm hands.
Hayley catches me looking at the mirror again, watching a couple peruse through a bowl of sex toys and lube like they’re rifling through a tub of Halloween sweets. ‘How many people had you slept with at seventeen then?’ she asks.
‘Three and a half, really…’
Darren sniggers, knowing somewhere down the line he became a half figure too.
‘This must be an education then?’
‘Like a bloody intensive course. I’m told this was my scene though, I didn’t shy away from this part of sex.’
‘It’s probably why you and I were friends, allies maybe?’
In that case, I feel I need to sit here with a notepad and pen and re-learn all of this, quickly. To make up for lost memories. Not just ten years gone but over a decade of sexual experience and endeavour just vanished. I probably lay in so many wet patches and learnt so much in that time about my body, my likes, my orgasms and now I have to learn that again. I’ll have to reset my counter, no? Like, where has that woman got her…? Oh. That’s new.
The door of the backstage area we seem to be in suddenly swings open and Kyle from the front door comes in.
‘Did someone say birthday?’ he says, with a cake in hand.
‘Yes, Kyle!’ Tia says. ‘We do this properly if we’re celebrating our Lucy. Cass, babes… there’s candles in Olive’s make-up station.’
I don’t want to think why Olive has candles but everyone hustles to attention, clearing spaces on tables as Cass side-hugs me.
‘You bake quick, Kyle…’ I laugh.
‘Nah, it was Darren here. Mentioned it at the bar and we always have cake in stock.’
‘For customer birthdays?’ I ask.
They all look at me smugly. Oh, people do stuff with the cakes. That would be sticky, with massive potential for getting fondant in your crack.
‘This hasn’t been touched, right?’ I ask.
‘Straight out the box, you dirty mare,’ he cackles. ‘How old are you?’
