Page 39 of How Much Wine Will Fix My Broken Heart?
‘I mean… I just don’t want to replace Tom.’
Linh studies my eyes for a moment, calmly. It’s a look which always prefaces a moment of wisdom.
‘Gracie,’ she says, softly. ‘We lost Cam, her dear Olivier and our wonderful Tom. We will never replace them. That light has gone out. We shouldn’t replace them. But never think people can’t come in, that we’ve lost some capacity to love. We’re still alive, it does our loved ones no justice to be sitting here in darkness.’
And there it is. This is why I welcomed Linh into my world. Beautiful turns of phrase like that soothed my tired and confused soul; they still do. And she’s right. We lost three amazing people but, through their loss, our lives all became entwined. Our girls are certainly propped up by a whole network of individuals who love them and hold them tight. It’s why Linh doesn’t worry about them. Meg sits there speechless. I never speak so openly of my grief, or at least not in such eloquent terms.
‘Sam’s just divorced his wife. I don’t think he’s in a particularly good head space, which is why I’m reluctant to get too involved with him.’
‘That makes more sense,’ Linh adds. ‘But you’re at least enjoying him?’
‘Thank you for putting it in politer terms than my sisters.’
Meg shifts me a look.Don’t say cock in front of your nieces’ grandmother, I silently communicate to her.
‘Well, let’s see where it goes. Maybe he’ll discover all your charms and wonder and it may be the start of something wonderful.’
‘Perhaps,’ I say hesitantly.
‘Can I meet him?’
‘Maybe.’
She grins cheekily at my hesitance. She and Meg will find a way to make this work.
‘I was also told this memorial was a celebration so I expect good things on this trip too. I want to meet more of your people. And I love you, Gracie, but we always go to the same park with the swings and I’ve seen that park many times now. Somewhere new, please. I’m on holiday.’
Meg laughs. She knows I have my comfort zone, and she applauds anyone who wants to drag me out of it.
‘I take you to good places,’ I tell Linh.
She looks around the barren, uninspiring surrounds of the Membury services. Linh, there’s a condiments counter over there and a small Waitrose.
‘You take me to Tesco. Not that I’m grumbling, I love shopping in there. I have a list too. I want to buy Cup a Soup.’
‘Really?’ Meg asks.
‘Yes. It’s both convenient and tasty. I researched places this time round. What is the Clifton Sausage?’
‘It’s a restaurant.’
‘Yeah, take me there. I like sausage.’
‘Careful how you phrase that, Linh,’ I warn her.
Meg laughs, glancing over at me.You never told me about this one, Gracie.
‘Come, we’d better make a move. The girls are dying to see you.’
Linh’s face lights up and she knocks back the rest of her coffee.
‘Yes. Oh, and before I left, Maya was telling me a story about a woman at school. She bit her? Is this true?’
Meg’s face sours. She knows I only like to report the good bits to Linh. To have been given custodianship over these girls always feels like I should keep all the bad news to myself.
‘It is. I’m sorry. It’s a bit of a thing at school. The lady that Maya bit caused a fuss. She’s since informed that I should resign from the PTA. Another mum was cruel and said she needed a jab. The inference being Maya is rabid but she’s not, obviously.’
My face rises to a blush. Carrie has not been kind and I’ve not dealt with it well. Words were said and they’ve stuck to me like thick gluey mud. I await Linh’s judgement on the matter.
