Page 59 of How Much Wine Will Fix My Broken Heart?
Meg and I crease up.
‘Surely, it’s easier to work out the places you haven’t had sex?’ Emma jokes.
‘I’ve had sex in a hot tub,’ Meg adds.
Emma looks slightly horrified. Lucy claps in delight.
‘It was a holiday cottage in the Peak District. It was quite nice, to be fair. At least it was warm.’
‘But what happens when they jizz?’ Beth asks.
‘It just dissolves in the bubbles, doesn’t it?’ Lucy says with mischief in her eyes. Emma retches, and I can almost see her mentally listing the types of physical germ types that fester in these waters. ‘Are you telling us you’ve never had underwater sex, Ems?’ Beth asks. ‘Even I’ve done it in a swimming pool.’
‘Like a public swimming pool?’
‘No, because that would be illegal, but on holiday we had a villa with a pool once.’
Emma nods in reply, almost fascinated. She never shares sex stuff with us. She has a new boyfriend now and she won’t even tell us what his johnson is like. Whereas I feel I know everyone Lucy has dated quite intimately. She once went out with a man with a two-tone dick. She never knew why it was two different colours but we called him Ombre. I don’t even remember his real name.
‘You are all feral, I can’t believe we’re all related,’ Emma adds.
A waiter suddenly appears next to the pool with two bottles of champagne, glasses and a bottle of OJ for the pregnant one.
‘Are you the Callaghan sisters?’ he asks.
‘Ooooooooh, Meggsy! How luxurious!’ Lucy squeals. The waiter gives her the once-over and she winks back at him.
‘This isn’t me. I didn’t order this,’ Meg says, looking worried about the state of the bill after our afternoon here.
‘No, it’s from someone called Mr Kohli.’ We all stare over at Emma. That’s her boyfriend, Jag. He sent champagne? He can stay. Bubbles in bubbles. Emma smiles from her corner of the tub. In Jag, she has a boyfriend who repaired years of anguish caused by her ex. He gives thoughtful gifts, and we are all entranced by his extended repertoire of trainers, but best of all we love how he adores our sister, how he holds her in the highest esteem the way she deserves.
‘Ems, he’s now officially my fave,’ Lucy says, glugging from her glass. Meg hands me a glass and I clink hers.
Emma shakes her head. ‘He’s such an idiot. Well, seeing as we’re making announcements, I also have one. I think Jag thought I’d probably tell you today. I should at some point.’
‘Did you two finally have sex somewhere that wasn’t a bed?’ asks Lucy.
I snort a little out of my nose.
‘No,’ she says, pausing. ‘He asked me to marry him and I have said yes.’
Lucy lets out a huge squeal of excitement that sees the bottle of champagne tip into the hot tub. She and Meg scramble to undo the damage as Beth reaches down to embrace Emma’s head and give her a huge kiss.
‘You knew?’ I ask Beth.
‘I’m pregnant, I have rights. I cried. I woke up Will when she told me.’
‘When did this happen?’ Meg says, slack-jawed.
‘New Year’s Eve. It was very corny, one knee on the South Bank where we met. But I can’t think of anything I want more than to be his wife.’
Meg wades over to embrace her while Lucy continues to make quite the racket, splashing about. I feel warmth. It could be the hot tub, it could be the champagne, but the warmth leads to tears. Emma sees them and comes over to hug me.
‘That’s not quite it,’ she says hesitantly. ‘We both don’t want a big wedding so given we’re all here… we’ve booked a venue for tomorrow. It’s just a restaurant with lunch. Come along?’
We all sit there in silence.
‘You what?’ Beth says.
