Page 14 of Great Sexpectations
‘You matched! That’s a moment. That’s serendipity. Did you hang out? What was his name?’ Michelle exclaims hurriedly.
‘The costumes were a coincidence. In this country, there’s a limited costume base for Halloween. There’s like one of ten things people dress as, so, statistically, it’s not as fate-driven as you think.’ That’s what I’ve told myself anyway.
‘Was he cute?’ asks Michelle.
‘He looked like Timothée Chalamet,’ Charlie tells her.
Michelle sits there taking in every morsel of detail. She is one of many who look out for me in this way, who wish me well in love and are eagerly waiting for me to find that special someone. She hears about my dates, my swipe-right disasters, my potential matches. I’d liken it to being in a boxing ring. Michelle and my family are the spectators: watching, wincing, cheering me on. But it’s exhausting being championed like that sometimes. Having to go in that ring every time and just be sucker-punched by love. Every. Single. Time.
‘His name was Cameron and if you want to know the gossip, he showed up to that party with a girlfriend and he caught her having it off with his housemate,’ I tell them.
Charlie’s eyes widen. ‘At the party? Ouch. I didn’t see that.’
‘Well, I did. Sort of. And anyway, it kicked off…’
‘But you two were in the kitchen, crossed legs on the sofa, doing shots and eating sushi…’
It’s the turn of Michelle’s eyes to widen.
‘Not like that, Michelle,’ I add. ‘I just felt bad for him, so we hung out and I made sure he was all right.’
‘In your matching costumes…’ Michelle says, trying to highlight the cuteness of the situation. ‘Did you rebound shag him?’ she asks.
‘In my brother’s house? No, I did not,’ I shriek back.
‘Was it the jumpsuits? They’re tricky, they’re not really built for sexy times.’
‘I did not because he was upset and we’d just met.’
‘Plus, he doesn’t know who she is,’ Charlie adds. ‘He thought she was in charge of the catering.’ I glare at him. ‘It’s a werewolf thing, we have sharp hearing,’ he jokes.
‘It’s because she’s modest, she always does that,’ Michelle tells him.
‘Well, it’s also because my circumstances are quite unique. I don’t want to scare people off before I’ve even got to know them.’
‘Why? This job’s a hoot. Better than saying you’re a civil servant or you work in HR,’ Michelle remarks.
‘True, but then there’s the other stuff. My brother is a famous soap star, my parents were big in porn. It comes with a backstory. I like to ease people in gently…’
It’s Charlie’s turn to smile now. That’s the problem with our line of work, the innuendo comes for free.
I narrow my eyes at him mockingly. ‘Like when I introduce new boyfriends to Mum, I like to ensure they’ve not knocked one out to her.’
Charlie rises to a high blush again. Please no, Charlie.
Michelle looks a little sad for me, though. ‘But, Josie, if they can’t handle all of that stuff, that’s their problem. You in yourself are one of the smartest people I know. When this company was on its knees…’ She puts a hand out when Charlie starts smirking, ‘You came in with your degree and your business knowledge and you saved it from going under. You took us online, we have a flagship store in Covent Garden. Our stock is through the roof because of you. That’s the story you should be telling people.’
I throw her an air-kiss in thanks.
‘But she’s too humble to tell people that, Charlie. So, he thought you did the catering?’ she asks me.
‘Kinda.’
‘Yeah, she even got up and chopped some carrots to make it seem legit.’
I glare at Charlie again and he shrugs. I did do that. I arranged them nicely too, so if you were trying to pick one up for dipping, you wouldn’t touch all the other vegetables. And if we’re being honest, I did that because I liked Cameron and I wanted to drag out the evening without my true identity getting in the way, without the five thousand questions and jokes, without him running off.
I did get Zombie Face and Cat Lady thrown out by security. I allowed Cameron to wear that moment for a while to feel better about himself and then I let him through the back door. Not like that. Instead, we spoke for hours, huddled in a corner of that kitchen as people milled in and out with platters of food and glasses. He’d only met Imogen (Cat Lady) a couple of months ago and he’d had reservations about her because she put ketchup on everything (even a roast dinner) and had a very strange fear of pigeons, but this just confirmed that, beneath it all, she was also quite cruel. He seemed more upset by the behaviour of Russ, his housemate, who he had gone to school with, and we discussed whether this was a death knell to their friendship. There was a realisation that maybe they’d stuck together out of sheer obligation and maybe they’d grown apart. This is what hurt Cameron most of all. This is what made him down the shots that evening, the loss of another type of love in his life.
