Page 57 of Great Sexpectations
‘I wouldn’t call what you did acting, Mum.’
‘Rude.’
‘Just stop asking him questions. There is nothing wrong with your Wi-Fi and I am mortified you have done this,’ I say, pretty much snarling.
‘Oh, love… you’re breaking up. I can’t quite hear you…’
‘Don’t you dare—’
‘Kiss those boys for me…’
She hangs up and I stand in Brett and Tina’s kitchen staring at the kettle. It’s over, isn’t it? She’s done the photos, next she’ll reel out embarrassing souvenirs from my past. She still keeps our baby teeth in a jar, a video of me playing Villager #3 in a school play, in the loft there’s a shrine I once built in homage to Robert Pattinson. It was nice while it lasted.
‘Aunty JoJo. You’re missing the best part of the film,’ a little voice says, his head peeking around the corner.
‘Just a minute, Vinnie,’ I say, reaching for drinks and sweets, trying to hide my panic.
‘Who was on the phone?’
‘Aunty Susie.’
‘Is she coming round?’ he asks excitedly.
‘No… She’s been very naughty.’
‘So Father Christmas might not visit her?’ he says, aghast.
I’d put her on the naughty list but I don’t want to ruin this kid’s vision of the festive season. ‘Oh, he will. She might just get a sprinkling of reindeer poop over her gifts.’
This makes little Vinnie crease over with laughter.
I hand him the sweet packet, ruffling his blond hair as we head over to the living room so I can re-engage withAnt-Man.
‘WHERE WERE YOU?’ his brother, Xander, asks me.
‘On the phone. Now where were we?’
‘He’s just put on the costume and turned really small and then he got stuck in the bath,’ Xander tells me. ‘And met a GIANT RAT,’ he shouts, jumping up on the sofa, waving his arms around to demonstrate the size of the rat.
‘Off the sofa, kiddo. It’s an awesome film, right?’ I say.
They nod in unison and pull my arms to get me to nestle in between them. How much do I love these kids? Too bloody much. Their story starts when Brett and Tina were barely out of their teens, just graduating from catering college and Tina got pregnant. It was a shock to everyone, not least Tina’s parents, who threw her out and told her she’d have to fend for herself. Brett had only lived with his dad his whole life and suddenly they were young, alone and expecting twins. Twin boys.
When my parents found out, I never saw two people react to a situation in the way that they did. As Brett was working long hours, Mum went with Tina to all her appointments, every single one. Dad bought them a small flat and told them it’d be rent-free for a year, giving them time to settle in and save up. He would do little things like show up with cots – saying he knew someone who was getting rid of them, that they’d cost him nothing, but I knew differently. It was Mum and Dad all over, it was philanthropy but for no other reason than to help two kids out who were once them.
And five years later, we now have Vinnie and Xander, who we all love like our own. Don’t get me wrong, they come with a unique little-boy-based energy that is both super loud and super draining, but they’re ours and Sonny and I are their proud godparents. I also am a godmother who comes with her own superpowers, though, because these little boys are very into Marvel and Godmother Josie knows that shizz, so they think I’m very very cool. They’re the only people in the world who think that.
As Ant-Man does his thing, Xander climbs on top of me to twist my hair around in his fingers and I lean into him. With Christmas nearly upon us, the anticipation runs through the veins of these kids like electricity. I wish I could remember that feeling. For now, Christmas feels like checklists and last-minute shopping trips and Mum fretting because everywhere is out of chipolatas. I made a joke about that. It didn’t go down well.
‘I’m going to miss you boys at Christmas,’ I tell them glumly. Since they were little, the four of them have always camped around ours on Christmas Day, but this year they’re off for a well-deserved weekend away.
‘Same. We’ll miss Uncle Johnny dressing up pretending he’s slid down the chimney.’
I have a feeling he might miss it too.
‘Have you guys seen Santa yet?’ I ask.
‘Yeah, kinda. He was at the garden centre, but I don’t think it was him,’ Vinnie tells me.
