Page 45 of Great Sexpectations
‘Does he share your scarily geeky knowledge of films?’
‘He does.’
She does that happy jiggy movement again.
‘I really like him. But all these emotions that come with it… The lies. I just see the future and in the plain light of day, I think it may end badly,’ I admit.
She studies my face. ‘JoJo…’
‘Mum…’
‘It’s sex. It’s not a risk assessment.’
I laugh as she says that. I am also queen of those. No one in my company should ever fear the health and safety aspects of their job.
‘So why all the panic? The white face? I’ll take it this isn’t some caffeine overload.’
‘He wants to meet at a hotel…’
‘Oh,’ she says, worried. ‘Like a nice one or one of those guest houses on the Great West Road?’
‘The Hilton Grand in Earl’s Court.’
‘Fancy. Your dad used to take me to hotels for a bit of fun sometimes, when you were little. A change of scenery, a bit of room service. Maybe he just wants to treat you?’
‘But what do I wear?’
‘Clothes?’
I giggle. ‘But it’s like occasion sex? I should whip out the nice underwear, right? If he’s paid for a room.’
‘Don’t go feeling you have to put out or put on a show. This needs to be on your terms too, not because you feel bad he’s spent money on a room.’
I nod, nervously.
‘Go classic. Lingerie, big coat on top. He opens the door and boom.’
He explodes? I don’t want that.
‘I’ve never done that before,’ I say, sheepishly.
The look on Mum’s face tells me she has. Many times.
‘I have a very cute three-quarter trench you can use. Do you have nice underwear? The Love Shack had that super cute line last year with the tassels. I’m sure you brought home samples.’
I did. I never used them. Tassels feel like super occasion sex that has a soundtrack and a pole and a lithe rhythmic bendiness that I’m lacking.
‘I have some things you can—’
I shake my head. I’ll take your coat, but no way am I sharing anything else with you, Mum.
‘He’s mentioned a bit of role play, I think?’ I am blushing, hard, but perhaps out of all the people in the world I could discuss this with, my mum is the most qualified.
‘Is it a film geek thing?’
Again, I nod.
‘Well, don’t wear those sorts of costumes out. I remember a time when your dad and I did that in a hotel and there was a fire drill and we had to stand outside in hotel-issued dressing gowns over some pretty outlandish…’
