Page 8 of Great Sexpectations
I pretend to look out into the crowd, not wanting to blow my cover with the stranger I’ve just met but also so as not to die of embarrassment from the ridiculous amount of people in the room. I am not the exhibitionist in the family, which, given my gene pool, always confounds people.
‘Well, wherever she is,’ Sonny carries on, ‘she was the one who made sure tonight ran smoothly and will be the reason you all go home with your coats because my plan was literally to throw them on my bed.’
The crowd laugh, hopefully not at my sad level of organisation skills.
‘And seriously, this vision tonight was all Rubes. Where are you, honey? Come up here.’
You can tell where Ruby is because of the Maleficent horns. She wanders up onto the stage and they embrace, kissing.
Do I like Ruby? She’s a tad extra compared to me. She needs her hair done in the same way humans need oxygen, but I like how she loves my brother. How she appreciates him for all his good traits and doesn’t possess any red-flag qualities that would have me doubt her. And there’ve been a number of them over the years. Like the girl who tried to expense her tanning needs to our company.
‘Anyway, you all know how much I love this girl and how she changed my life from day one since we started working together. You are gentle, kind and…’
…you make every day better, you make me want to be better, to do better, to be the best version of myself, I recite in my head.
‘…you make stuff better.’
For an actor, you’d think he’d remember the script his big sister wrote for him.
But wait. This is happening now? He’s been planning it for a while but didn’t really share the details with me. Quiet restaurant? Beach at sunset? On stage with John Legend? The only reason I can think he’s doing this now is that the potency of the cocktails has given him the bravado. Just don’t sing, I urge silently. I do love you but the singing isn’t great.
‘And I just want to have lots of the best days with you in them.’
I’m not sure that grammatically made sense, but Ruby doesn’t care. She’s openly sobbing, the make-up has gone to shit. Make sure you carry tissues, Sonny, I told him. He reaches into his pocket. Well done, bro. She knows what’s happening. So does the DJ as he’s cracked on some Barry White. She’s shaking her head, Sonny’s tearing up. The crowd is a sea of phones and cheering.
‘Ruby Reynolds. I love you so bloody much. I can’t think of anything I want more than to be with you for the rest of my life.’
He gets out the ring. Yes, I helped him choose that too. Square-cut vintage with a ruby, keeping it classy and on theme. His knee is shaking and I tear up on this balcony, longing to give him the biggest of hugs.
Please bloody say yes, please. Don’t give me a reason to run down there.
The wall suddenly lights up. Oh. This was not part of the plan.
WILL YOU BE MY WIF?
The E hasn’t lit up. There are giggles from the crowd, but no one cares, we all know what this is. I just hope those wall sparklers don’t set off the smoke alarms.
‘Of course I will, you idiot. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god…’
There’s a squeal, Sonny lifts her to the air and spins her around, her horns go wonky. The crowd cheer as the DJ does a perfect fade to full volume and my worry turns to joy, my smile as wide as the moon. I didn’t know about the indoor fireworks and confetti cannons, though, and I nearly crap myself as they fire out from our level. Cameron and I jump out of our skins and grab each other in fright, laughing. The world’s worst Ghostbusters, perhaps.
‘Wow, that was something,’ Cameron says, handing me a cocktail napkin. I dab it under my eyes, shocked by the emotion that’s evoked in me. Sonny is engaged? I’ll have to ring Mum and Dad before people get this on social media and they get the hump. ‘If this is the engagement party, can you imagine the wedding?’ he adds, necking his beer.
‘It’ll be a little bit special, that’s for sure…’ I laugh through my tears, a cocktail of emotions swimming through me, all joy, pride, love. Oh, little bro. You’re getting married. Please don’t make me wear peach, though.
As I look into the crowd, people are queuing up to the stage to offer their congratulations and I see Sonny’s eyes scan the place. He finds me, then grins, waving. I wave back. I mean, you’re getting married before me and you will tease me mercilessly for this reason, but I can live with that. Seriously, though, no peach.
‘I should probably tell you that I’m crying because that’s my brother…’ I admit sheepishly to Cameron, but when I turn around, he’s not there.
Well, that was short-lived. I search the room and see he’s wandered over to the corridor where we met, watching as Cat Lady and Zombie Face emerge from one of the bedrooms. That is his girlfriend, isn’t it? Damn.
I know his mate is a zombie, but his trousers aren’t even zipped up. Cat Lady’s hair is all ruffled, cheeks flushed. Cameron is glued to the spot as they catch sight of him. Zombie Face walks over with some speed as Cat Lady stands there engulfed by her own shame.
No, my brother has just proposed. Not now. I run over.
‘You shit,’ Cameron says, striking first.
A few people turn round to take in the drama.
