Page 79 of Big Nick Energy
‘I love me a cookie, especially with milk. Can I eat him?’
‘Noooo.’ She giggles as he pretends to chomp down on the toy. This is the Nick that’s revealed himself to me in recent weeks. He’s a quiet, sometimes serious soul but when faced with all these kids, with older people, he can turn it on like a tap. But it’s not for attention, it’s not charm or fake magic, it’s something inside him that pours out. In that moment it’s not about him,it’s about making someone else feel better, special, seen. It’s completely selfless and I want to tell him how I’ve noticed that, how it’s all I can see.
‘Well, this is my lovely friend, Kay, and we’re here today to give you some rather special gifts.’ He bends down into his sack and pulls out a selection of wrapped books, except they’re not the ones I’ve wrapped. These are all the same size and shape. One of them rips the paper off and I recognise the font and illustrations almost immediately.
‘Kay here is an author and she wrote this book about these bears and we thought we’d come and read to you and let you have some copies for Christmas.’
‘Are you really the author?’ an excited parent asks me. ‘We have one of these at home, that’s so exciting!’
I stand there, slightly embarrassed. This is not something I do, tell people about my books or what I do, and it wasn’t the purpose of the drive at all to become some exercise in self-promotion, but the children shift their focus to me and Nick kindly nods in my direction.
‘Can you sign my book?’ one of the children asks me. A pen appears next to me from Nick. He knew exactly what he was doing, didn’t he?
I take it from him. ‘What’s your name, honey?’
‘Lucy.’
‘I know a Lucy and she’s one of my favourite people in the world.’ I write an inscription and draw a smiley face next to my name. I’ve never really subscribed to the side of my job that’s associated with fame or any sort of self-importance, but maybe at the same time I don’t talk about it enough. I don’t market myself very well. And even if I’m here doing just that to seven kids and their parents then maybe it’s a start.
‘Could I get a selfie?’ asks another parent.
‘I guess so and then we’ll get Santa to read, yes?’
‘Only if you help, Miss Kay,’ Nick suggests. ‘This is our last stop on our book adventures so I think we should read it together. You do the polar bear voice much better than me.’ He pats a chair next to him and I go and join him reluctantly, nudging him slightly with my shoulder. ‘So this isA Beary Merry Christmasand it was written by…’ He waits and I sit there, shaking my head.
‘Yeah, it was written by me,’ I say grudgingly. The small collective clap their hands and I pretend to bow in my seat. ‘Right, so… Once upon a time, before there was time and before humans actually lived, all the bears could talk, did you know that?’
‘That’s a Sharpie you know? It won’t come off,’ Nick says as we stand outside this hospital entrance, the cold air still circulating, the weather reports having threatened snow for days now but the South still not seeing anything except frozen pavements and windscreens in the morning. Nick looks at the back of my hand where one of the young people drew a massive star with a face.
‘Maybe I’ll leave it there, get someone to tattoo over it,’ I say, holding it up.
‘Cute.’
I don’t know if he means me or the tattoo, so I quickly put my hand down. ‘You didn’t have to do that, you know, with the books. It was very kind though.’
‘You don’t really talk about your books much, your writing…’ he says.
I shrug my shoulders. ‘I guess it’s because it makes me uncomfortable.’
‘Don’t be modest. It’s a brilliant thing. You should feel proud of that.’
I don’t know how to respond to that because I know what he’s doing. I can almost hear my nana screaming at me from the corner of the room.
‘How do I thank you, Nick, for all of it? I’ve had a lot of fun,’ I say.
‘Me too. Hey, maybe after Christmas, I can swing by the library, we can have a coffee. I don’t want to overstep but we should keep in touch.’
‘Because you know, it’s still a collab, right?’ I joke.
‘Exactly.’
Maybe a hug is all that’s needed in this moment. I know those words, those promises don’t always come to fruition. They’re said when you bid goodbye to someone to ease the finality of it, because this might be the last time we see each other. I really hope it isn’t. It can’t be. I reach for him and put my arms around him. He hugs me back and I reach up to kiss him on the cheek, to feel his skin next to my lips. I take a breath and close my eyes, stepping back from him.
‘Actually, before we go. I did have a gift for you. It’s a bit silly but I guess it is the season.’ He watches me curiously as I pull an envelope out from my handbag. I watch him open it and his face slips into a smile.
‘A capybara feeding experience.’
I shrug my shoulders. ‘For your continued education.’
