Page 91 of Big Nick Energy
He pulls me away from that hotel loading bay onto stone steps, lit up by a single lamppost. Snow lands on his shoulders and gets caught in his eyelashes. ‘You could have texted “thank you”.’
‘You made me a desk.’
‘It’s just a desk. It was actually quite easy.’
‘I usually get my desks flatpack from IKEA,’ I say. I can tell that makes him wince a little. ‘No one has ever done anything like that for me before.’
‘Made you something?’
‘Just… raised me up.’ As soon as the words leave my mouth, I think of Nana and see her smiling. I think about what she said. How love is supposed to elevate, to leave you almost floating. ‘I wrote this all down on my phone before I dropped it. You just… you’re pretty special, aren’t you?’ He looks at me, his breath quickening. That probably wasn’t as eloquent and meaningful as I’d wanted but I can feel a single tear running down my cold cheek. ‘Oh. And do you know who came into the library before we closed? A wonderful woman called Keira. The mystery K.’
‘The letters? You managed to return them? Find the owners?’ he asks, his face softening to hear the news. I nod. ‘They werefrom her husband. He passed away so she was worried she’d lost them forever.’
He looks at me with pained eyes. ‘But you know when that woman came in and talked about her husband and how a simple gesture like yours made her happy again, it made me see you with such clarity. You have such goodness. How you love people, how you exist so quietly. You give others your time, your attention, you’re wonderfully gentle and sweet but not for you, never for you.’ I say all of it frenetically, not catching a breath. ‘That wasn’t what was on my phone at all.’
‘What was on there?’ he mutters.
‘It was a full outline for that book about the beavers.’
He laughs so loud the people at the truck turn to watch. See, I am hilarious.
‘Did you like the desk?’
‘The desk is beautiful, sincerely the most beautiful thing I think I might ever own.’
‘I had a great muse.’
‘Are you saying I look wooden?’
‘Exactly that,’ he replies, beaming. He stops to look at me, wondering what all of this might mean and I melt to look into his eyes, to try and show him how much I care.
‘I don’t have a boyfriend anymore. I also came down to tell you that.’
His mouth opens slightly, his face still with the revelation. ‘Oh.’
‘I wanted to give you that information in person.’
‘Noted. What happened?’
‘Nothing. And that’s probably where it all went wrong.’ He cocks his head to one side as if trying to understand what I’ve just said. ‘He was a relationship that didn’t quite work out first time. I thought the universe was trying to tell me to give it another go, but really maybe the universe was throwing you inmy direction again.’ All these Nicks, like cosmic bumper cars, all running into my life at different times.
‘After I delivered that tree to your nana,’ he realises. ‘After I shouted abuse at you down the phone?’
‘Yeah, maybe the universe was trying to show me you’re not all bad,’ I say, giggling slightly to remember how ridiculous that Christmas tree really was.
‘So it was the universe that made you get in that Christmas-tree machine, was it?’ he asks me.
‘Shush now,’ I say, trying desperately to keep some romantic cool about me, trying to hide all the joy in every ounce of my being that he’s here, that what I feel is so very bright, so very clear.
He still doesn’t look away from me, his face filled with hope, anticipation. ‘What do I do now? Can I ask you out?’
‘You can.’
‘Can I also do something else?’ I nod.
And he sighs almost with a low growl, reaching around to grab my cheek and pulls me in for a kiss. His skin is icy cold against mine, his lips soft, parting gently. I stand on my tiptoes to meet him, to let him pull my body into his. As we part, he rests his forehead against mine. That felt right, so very perfect that I can’t speak.
‘I’m really sorry about your boyfriend,’ he says.
