Page 26 of The Rakehell's Seduction
“Yes, yes, of course, my love.” Randolph scooped up Griffin and took Emma’s hand and hastily exited the dining room. Her father watched them go, a wistful expression on his face.
“Such little dears,” he murmured. “That Griffin is delightfully cheeky, isn’t he?”
“Too much like his father,” Rachel said with a sigh, but her lips were curved upward.
Alex’s gaze dropped to her plate, a sinking feeling in her stomach. She really had disappointed her father by not marrying and having children. It was painfully obvious how much he longed for them.
“Well”—Rockford cleared his throat and looked around—“shall we retire to the drawing room? Ladies, I assume you have much to discuss. Ambrose and I will drink some port in my study before we join you, won’t we, my boy?”
“Of course,” Ambrose agreed amicably.
The gentlemen escorted them to the drawing room before they left on their quest for port and cigars.
A footman brought a set of sherry glasses to the ladies on a silver tray. Alex accepted her glass of sherry and took a sip before turning to her cousin. They finally had a chance to speak alone without anyone overhearing.
“Are you and Randolph headed to London?”
Rachel nodded as she settled into her chair by the fire. “Yes, we have a few dinners to attend, and then we return to Sussex. We don’t like the children to be in the city for too long. There’s so much pressure to grow up there. In the country, they can chase dogs down the lane and ride horses and swim in the pond behind the house.”
“Emma seems determined to grow up,” Alex observed.
Her cousin nodded, her eyes sad. “She is, takes after me too much I think, just as Griffin is so like Randolph, always getting into scrapes.”
They both sipped their sherry, the grandfather clock in the corner ticking away into the silence. Alex had to speak to her, to get advice from one of the few people aside from Perdita whom she trusted.
“I’m so glad you came, Rachel. Truly,” Alex whispered, her voice suddenly catching.
“Alex, dear, what’s the matter?” Her cousin rose from her chair and came to her, hugging her.
“I’m afraid I’ve been very silly—very silly indeed. I wish you hadn’t left…”
Rachel had helped her pick up the pieces of her heart when Marshall had married someone else.
“What have you done that is silly?” Rachel asked, her eyes full of worry.
“It’s Ambrose—I mean, Mr. Worthing. I’m afraid I’ve l let him become too close to me.” She wasn’t sure how to say it, that she’d been too free with her body and her desires.
“I see,” Rachel replied. There was no judgment in her face, but rather a deep understanding.
“I’m afraid I’ll always be alone, that this might be the one chance I have to know what life and love are before he goes back to London. Is that terrible of me?”
Her cousin’s green eyes were soft, like summer grass covered in a morning fog.
“No, it isn’t terrible. You have every right to want to know the joys of being in love and expressing that love, but you must take care. If you were to get in the family way, it would be…” She trailed off, but Alex understood.
It would be the end of the already small social life that she had in Lothbrook. If she had a babe, she would want to keep it, which meant she would not be able to stay in a town that knew the truth of her disgrace. She would be exiled to some distant part of the country with relatives she barely knew, in a town with no friends.
“Have you and Mr. Worthing been fully intimate?”
Alex shook her head. They had come close, but not yet.
Her cousin pursed her lips before speaking again. “If you do wish for full intimacy, you must demand that he take care. He should know what that means. There are things he could do to prevent you from being with child.”
“I feel so trapped, Rachel,” she confessed. “I avoid London because of Marshall, and yet I don’t feel I can breathe here sometimes. I just want…some small measure of happiness. Is that so wrong?” She wanted to confess about the wager in the betting books and that she was planning to flee to London to escape Lord Darlington, but something made her hold that inside. She didn’t want to worry Rachel, even though she valued her cousin’s counsel.
“No, of course not. Perhaps Mr. Worthing will be the answer. I see the way he looks at you, and I don’t believe you should take his interest so lightly. He let your nephew throw peas in his face. That tells me much of what sort of man he is and that he will endure much to be with you.”
Alex was too afraid to hope her cousin was right. She’d let a man break her heart once before, and it had almost destroyed her. Could she let that happen again? Was it already too late?
