Page 84 of Her Wicked Highwayman
Rafe wanted to move but had not the strength to do so.
“Ash,” he whispered. Even that single utterance scraped every nerve in his throat.
A comforting hand settled on the back of his head. “I’m here, little brother. Don’t try to speak.”
“Diana...” He hissed as pain shot up his back from the effort of speaking.
“She’s safe. She is looking after Isla for you.Everyoneis safe, do you understand? Now be quiet. You need to rest.”
It was as if his older brother knew what he needed to hear the most. Rafe relaxed and drifted to sleep.
He was unsure how long he had slept when he woke again, but when he licked his chapped lips, he felt the presence of someone nearby.
“Water,” he said.
A glass was carefully brought to his lips and he drank slowly, grateful for the assistance. When he found the strength to open his eyes, he saw his mother held the glass. Her blue eyes watched his face, and he saw dried tracks of tears covering her cheeks. His mother had been crying forhim?
“Drink a little more for me, dear boy,” she whispered, as though he were a child. “The doctor said you must drink.”
“I’m sorry.” He let out a breath and fought off a cold shudder.
His mother’s eyes flashed. “You’reneverto say those words again, not to me.Iam the one who is sorry.” She bit her lip, and tears streamed down his mother’s usually controlled face.
She set the glass on the table and smoothed a cool hand over his brow, brushing hair out of his eyes. “Ashton told me everything.”
“He told you?” What had his brother said? He was too afraid to ask.
Regina nodded. “You didn’t cause your father’s death, Rafe. You were a little boy who wanted to bring him home. His choices wereneveryour responsibility. He chose to leave our house that night, and he chose to put himself in that position. He stepped onto the road after he’d been injured and his balance was unsteady. None of these things are your fault.”
Her fingers trembled as she sucked in a breath. “It is I who failed you, my darling boy. I never asked Ashton or you what happened. I assumed that you’d done something because Ashton blamed you. But he was a boy too. What does a lad of fifteen know about grief except that one can, temporarily, avoid it with anger?
“But I shouldn’t have made the same mistake. I knew Malcolm’s vices would someday lead to this. I just didn’t think it would be so soon.” She covered her mouth with the back of her hand, yet she didn’t look away from him as she wept. “The years I’ve wasted... the years I should’ve had with you... my beautiful boy who only ever tried to be a son any mother would be proud of. And I am proud, Rafe, so very proud of you.”
“Mother...” It felt like every rib was breaking in his chest as he absorbed her words and the love that layered them.
“I will spend the rest of my life missing your father, but I will not miss a moment more withyou. If you’d let me, I wish to start again, to be the mother you deserve.”
“I should’ve done something,” Rafe confessed, his voice breaking. “If I’d only gone home as he’d wished, he might not have seen me and tried to cross the road.”
Regina shook her head. “He chose to cross the street, Rafe. You must stop believing you could have done anything differently to change his actions.”
Rafe blinked away thick tears and tried to regain his shaking breath. “But I am not the son you should have had.”
His mother stroked the backs of her fingers over his cheek, her eyes bright.
“Nonsense. I would change nothing about you, Rafe. Even if you could turn back the hands of time and fix every mistake you’ve made, you wouldn’t bethisRafe. I would never erase the man you’ve become, not even to have your father back.”
Rafe moved his arm, carefully reaching out to clasp his mother’s hand.
“I’ve done a great many things I regret...”
A twinkle sparkled in his mother’s eyes. “If you mean those nocturnal activities involving masks and pistols, well, they brought you to Diana, didn’t they? I know it might not be the most conventional method of courtship, but since when haveany of my children ever done things conventionally? Thomasina was compromised by a notorious rake—thank God he’s made a marvelous husband. Ashton blackmailed his lovely wife into marriage. Joanna ran off to Scotland to elope with her charming Highlander.” She grinned at him. “What’s one more wild story to share with one’s grandchildren?”
The tightness in Rafe’s chest eased as he realized his mother was right. If he had never stopped that coach, if he had never met Diana, then he would never have found the star in the night sky leading home to his family.
“No more regrets,” his mother said soothingly. “Do you understand? Not for any of us.”
His eyes drifted closed once more as his mother continued to stroke his hair.
