Page 50 of I Could Have Missed This
“Teddy wait, just,” I plead, but he’s already gone.
“Yeah, go run after your little boyfriend, fucking fag,” the bleeding man mutters, then he cries out in pain once I step on him to get out the door.
I’m running after him out into the street. My head is heavy and my steps aren’t quite connecting to the floor like I’m used to. I feel like I’m going to collapse at any second.
“Teddy, wait!” I shout, and to my surprise he stops, yet doesn’t turn around.
I go to get closer but he extends his arm out and shouts “Just, please stay there.” I stay where I am. He’s shaking.
He’s terrified of me.
“What the fuck Noah? Like genuinely what the fuck?” He shouts in disbelief as he turns to face me. I go to move closer to him but he stops me again.
“I said stay there!” He clutches his head with his hand and breathes deep.
“Look at you! Your face is covered in blood, your knuckles are… oh my god, Noah,” He groans, his face is in his hands. I look down at my bloody knuckles.
What have I done?
But he was going to hurt me…
“Please just let me explain, I?—”
“How the fuck can you explain that Noah? You broke his nose! Normal people don’t do that!”
Normal people?
I start to break down because I can feel our bond start to wither. I slowly step towards him.
“Please can I just explain to you what happened?” I say, trying to sound calm but my voice is too shaky for that. I’m way too drunk for this. I’m crying bloody tears and I know I probably look terrifying right now.
I needed to protect myself.
“He was going to hurt me, Teddy.”
He doesn’t stop me when I start walking towards him.
“What?” he chokes out.
“Teddy, he had me pinned up against the wall, he was tearing at my trousers, he—” I fall to my knees and break down. I’m sobbing into my hands in the middle of the street. I’ve never felt so pathetic.
“Oh my god. I’m so sorry,” Teddy cries out. He comes down to me.
“I’m so sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to shout at you, I… I just want to know who killed my mother,” I sob as he strokes my hair. We hold each other in the dead of night as we cry into each other’s shoulders. “I’m suck a fucking idiot. I almost let it happen again, I almost lost control. He almost?—”
“Noah, stop. This isn’t your fault.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I screamed at you over something so stupid and made it this big thing. I was just so scared Teddy. I don’t want to lose you. I should have been supporting you through this but instead I freaked out. I thought whatever is going on with this graffiti was connected to my mum, and eventually you’ll get hurt like she did. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you. I’m already struggling as it is trying to live my life without my Mum. I can’t live my life without you too, Teddy. Please believe me.” I finish talking as my sobs quiet down.
“Can I tell you something?” Teddy asks and I nod about a hundred times. My head still feels heavy. “Noah, you are the most beautiful, most kind human being I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. You’re also the most hurt and beaten down human being I’ve ever met. Life has been so fucking cruel to you. I don’t want to lose you to this war you’re fighting. You have to stop worrying about the bronze family. I don’t want you to fall into a darkness you can’t escape.” I stand up and hug him tightly. “Please stop chasing this. Don’t let it consume you. Please. Thisis too much for you,” he pleads. I nod again. I don’t know what to say with my words, so I show him.
I kiss him. It’s slow and soft. His lips taste salty with a hint of the sweetest Iced Coffee imaginable. I need to go on my tiptoes to get to his height.
He colours me in with the deepest shade of yellow, the one they use for smiley faces and dandelions and the sun in the corner of kids drawings. Our bodies are illuminated from faint street lights.
In this kiss, we’re in our own corner of the universe. I want my life to be with him. I want this so badly. I can’t mess this up. When we back away I realize some of the blood from my face is on his. He licks his hand and rubs my face in slow circles, trying his best to get the blood off, then I do the same to him.
“C’mon, let’s go home and clean up. You need some toothpaste,” he says, with a small chuckle.
