Page 79 of I Could Have Missed This
“He really does care about you. That was never a lie. Just… just remember that, okay?”
“I’m going to make things right,” I reply.
I head into his bedroom, and I’m met with a curled-up Teddy. He’s lying in bed, with a speaker playing a song that’s filled with regret and pain. He hears me open the door, but doesn’t move. He must know it’s me; they have thin walls here.
“Can I sit down?” I ask, not knowing if he would even want me to. I know he lied to me, but I ran away again - even after I promised him I wouldn’t.
Teddy nods, his back still facing me. I sit down on the bed, not knowing what to do. I’m just going to talk until something sounds right.
“I’m sorry for leaving last night. I should have heard you out. In fact, I’m sorry for leaving at all. I shouldn’t have done that to you. I…” my voice cracks. The thought of him at the train station flashes in my mind, and I hate it.
How could I do that to someone I love?
Then I think about how I did it to Kai after Mum’s funeral, and a pang of guilt hits my heart.
“I still love you. I just… I just wish you didn’t lie to me about this,” I tell him, placing a hand on his shoulder. Teddy doesn’t move or react at all. I lie down next to him, rubbing his shoulder with tentative fingers.
“Can you turn around, baby?” I ask, wanting a glimpse of his face. He doesn’t move.
“Baby, please, I…” I begin, before I hear a whimper. Teddy puts a hand to his face and curls up further.
“Oh, honey, please don’t cry, it’s okay. I’m not going anywhere,” I tell him as I pull him in for a hug. He turns around and places his head into my chest. He breaks down like a heartbroken child.
“I fucked it all up. I just wanted to protect you, but it ended up just pushing you away,” he cries as I grip him tighter.
“Well, it’s all out now. And I’m not going anywhere. I’m sorry for not understanding before,” I tell him as I caress his back.
“You have nothing to be sorry for, Noah. I should have told you.”
“But I get why you didn’t. I didn’t tell you why I was leaving either. I lied to protect you too. But sometimes, even if the truth hurts, it’s better to let it out,” I explain. He sits up and wipes his eyes. He puts his legs into a basket.
“I’m sorry, I’m such a mess.”
“Aren’t we all?” I say, which causes a small laugh to come from Teddy.
“You’re right. I think being a mess is just a symptom of being human,” he says, drying his eyes some more.
“I thought I’d lost you,” he whispers, looking me straight in the eyes. I crawl towards him and kiss him on the cheek.
“Never.”
“Is that a promise?” He asks, extending his pinky. I clasp my pinky finger around his. We hug again, the warmth comforting us.
“I’m not like them, Noah. I promise I’m not. I tried to be for years. I wanted my father’s approval so badly. I just wanted to be seen by him. But… it wasn’t in my heart. I’m not like them. Never have, never will,” Teddy explains as I clasp my hand around his.
“I believe you,” I tell him, and he smiles for the first time in a while. “I can’t imagine how that must have felt, to be born into a family and not feel like you belonged,” I say, placing a hand on his shoulder. He rests his cheek on my hand and closes his eyes.
“I missed you.”
“I missed you more,” I tell him, smiling widely. We’re quiet for a few moments before I break the silence.
“You know what we need to do now, though, right?” I ask, placing my hand on his thigh. I look up at those beautiful blue eyes of his.
“What?”
“We need to go to the police and end this,” I tell him, and I watch his face drop.
“Noah, please no. They’ll kill us all if they even suspect you knew their identity. If we go anywhere near a police station, they’ll murder us. I don’t…” his voice cracks. Tears spill out of his glassy eyes again. “I don’t want to lose you.”
