Page 18 of The Secret Shape of Worship
“These items were made for mortals. Gods have no need of furniture. I am content to go back to the mummification table if you wish to be close again.”
“No. I mean, yes, let’s definitely do that again, but not yet. Wait. If you don’t need furniture, why do you have a bed with blankets in here?
The god shifted, his eyes darting briefly to the fire. “After your first…lesson. The day that you arrived. You were indiscomfort. Distraught. Still very wounded. It pained me to see it. I brought in a bed for you.”
Mina reached across the small distance between them and pressed his hand to Anubis's knee. “How long have you lived down here alone?”
Anubis hesitated. “I have not always been alone. In the ancient days, there were kings and queens amongst whom the gods lived. We were worshipped. We shepherded and provided for the mortals of this land and lands far beyond. But eventually, other gods took our place. Some true, others false. Soon, the false gods became more numerous than the true, and so we faded into obscurity and myth. Though we persist, I am one of few who remain in the mortal world.”
Mina couldn’t hide the surprise pushing his eyebrows up into his shaggy hair. So, all of the ancient Egyptian folklore was true? Osiris, the underworld, all of it?
“Why do you stay here if there’s no one left to believe in you?
“Time for me does not move as it does for you. The millennia since our reign do not seem so long. Every hundred years, a soul emerges whom I am able to shepherd.”
“But why still do it if you are the only god left here?”
“It was the task my father gave me when I was first created. It is all that I know. What else would I do?”
“So, you never got any say in it?”
“I do not understand.”
“I mean, you never got a choice? In how you spent your life?
“That is not the way of gods.”
Mina was close to protesting, but then looked away. It wasn’t really the way of humans either.
“You deserve that choice,” Mina said, almost as much to himself as to Anubis. “We both do.”
“It is not our way,” Anubis repeated.
“Are you happy doing this? Will you be happy forever?”
“I am happy right now.”
But even as he spoke the words, something dark passed over the god’s face, and Mina worried that he wasn’t telling the full truth.
“There will be others? After me?” Mina felt a burning jealousy cut through him.
“No,” the god said quickly, laying a massive hand on Mina’s still resting on his knee. It was the first time the god had touched him in such a tender, familiar way. Mina’s stomach ached.
“I mean, yes. There will be others, but every soul is different. Some need strength. Others need to be reminded of their worth. Some need to let go of bitterness. Some need to seek out justice for wrongdoing. Some need to seek forgiveness, others to give it. But you, Mina…”
Mina shivered at the sound of his name rolling off the god’s tongue, in his deep, intoxicating voice.
“…you had stifled the basest parts of yourself. Denied so much for so long that I knew this would be the most effective way for you to see your desires in the broad light of day. To see them for the pure, animalistic, beautiful things that they are. Look at me. My appearance to you is of part animal, and yet still you speak with me as you would any other human in your world. You burn with desire toward me. Men have created so many rules along with the false gods they’ve constructed or the true gods they’ve misunderstood that even the things that past cultures took for granted have become tainted. Ruined. You were broken, Mina. I believed I could help you. Life is more than these things we crave and these pleasures I have helped you discover, but still, to deny them is to douse the fire that makes mortals the beautiful beings that they are. And that stifled fire begins to suffocate and choke out other areas of your being. Now that you have discovered yourself, you will be more alive than you have ever been. That knowledge fills me with joy. It fulfillsmy purpose. Even though it has been a century since I’ve been able to shepherd a soul, it has been worth the wait for the chance to…” The god hesitated. He slid his hand off the top of Mina’s, scratching awkwardly at his chest. “For the chance to help you,” he finished.
Mina leapt forward and threw his arms around Anubis. As he did, he felt the god lean back, every muscle in his chest tightened, and his neck bulged, rigid. But still, Mina held on. He climbed onto Anubis, straddling his waist, wrapping his arms around him, and burrowing his face in the soft, velvety nape of his neck.
“I love you, Anubis,” he mumbled into the god’s warm skin. Mina stiffened. Had he just said that out loud? “I just mean thank you.”
“You are welcome, Mina.”
The slowly forming knot in Mina’s stomach pulled tight. “But we’re not through yet, right?” Mina pulled back, locking his fingers around the back of Anubis’s neck and looking into his eyes. “I mean, I feel like I have so much more to experience with you. I’m not ready to leave you.”
“Do not worry, son of man. When your learning is complete, you will feel ready.”
