Page 45 of A Baxter Family Christmas
Connor looked deep into her eyes. “First... you were five years old, Maddie. What happened to Hayley wasn’t your fault.”
“I can still hear my dad telling me to watch her. ‘Maddie, keep an eye on your little sister... Don’t take your eyes off her.’ ” She looked down for several seconds before lifting her gaze back to his. “I watched her go outside, Connor. I watched her and I didn’t stop her.” She sighed. It felt better to finally tell the truth about what happened. Even if it didn’t change things.
“You have to let it go. You didn’t know what would happen.”
“I guess.” Her heart felt free, even though the weight of her actions remained. “I know God doesn’t want me to feel guilty anymore. But still... it was my fault.”
“You were five.” Connor didn’t break eye contact, not even for a moment. “Maddie, can you tell me something? Did you blame your father for what happened?”
“No.” She was quick to answer. “Not at all. It was my job to look after her.”
“He was the adult. He was the one in charge.” Connor’s tone was full of kindness and understanding. “I’m sure he blames himself every day. The same way you’ve been doing. Your mother, too. She was at work instead of spending the afternoon with you and Hayley at the party.”
Connor’s words made sense. They were a balm that soothed the pain Maddie had carried since that awful day so many years ago. He wasn’t finished. “What about the person who owned the home? Or the girl having the birthday party? They could blame themselves, too. If only one of the moms had been out back watching the pool. Or if they would’ve had a different sort of birthday party—maybe one at the park or at a pizza place.”
Maddie couldn’t imagine blaming any of them. “It wasn’t their fault.”
“But I bet there are times when they all wonder. Don’t you think?”
The possibility filled Maddie’s heart and hurt her at the same time. “I guess... I never imagined that. Up until now, I’ve always seen what happened throughmyeyes. My guilt over it.”
“And you know what the truth is?” Connor didn’t waver, didn’t hesitate. “The truth is, accidents happen.” He pulled out his phone and opened his Bible app. “I was reading John 16 in my devotions today.”
Maddie felt herself falling for him. What college guy actually had devotion time with God?
He pulled up a section of Scripture. “Here, in verse thirty-three. It says, ‘In this world you will have trouble. But be of good cheer, for I have overcome the world.’ ” He put his phone down and clicked it off. “See, Maddie? Bad things happen. Period.”
She nodded. She was so choked up over his kindness that she couldn’t think of anything to say.
“It wasn’t your fault or anyone else’s fault. That’s not where God wants you to put your focus.”
“Meaning what?”
Connor allowed the hint of a smile. “He wants you to focus on Him. How He got your family through that time. How He healed Hayley... how He’s still healing her.”
The idea felt so freeing, Maddie couldn’t stop the tears. She squeezed her eyes shut and covered her face with her hands. All this time... every day since Hayley’s accident, she had refused to let herself feel too good or too happy or too caught up in a boy like Connor Flanigan.
All because she had blamed herself.
But now... maybe Connor was right. Maybe she wasn’t the only one who had been feeling guilty about Hayley. And if that was true, maybe all of them were wrong to carry the blame. Especially when God had worked a miracle to heal her, to give her sight and speech and the ability to attend school. Hayley was walking proof of God’s love and faithfulness.
Before this Maddie had chosen only to see her sister’s broken parts. The missing parts. But not anymore.
“Hey...” He crooked his finger and lifted her chin so their eyes met. “I only wish you would’ve told me back at the beginning.”
A smile started in her heart and made its way to her face. “Wanna hear something amazing?”
“Yes.” He leaned against the arm of the sofa, his eyes deep. “Always.”
“At the Christmas play, Hayley brought a friend. A boy.” She grinned, feeling all over again the happiness she’d felt for her sister that night. “His name is Patrick. He has some special needs, but he’s highly functional. Same as her.”
Connor smiled, the mood lighter between them. “So she’s getting ahead of you. Is that what you’re saying?”
Laughter tickled Maddie’s throat. “I guess. But I promised myself I was finished comparing her life to mine. God has good plans for both of us.” She felt her eyes light up. “Remember the Christmas miracle I was praying for?”
“Wewere praying for.” His look was more flirty and fun. The heaviness gone.
“Yes, that’s right. You were praying, too.” She loved how he made her feel. How could she have pulled away from him? “Well, Patrick was the miracle. If Hayley can have love one day, then I know God is here and He’s real.”
