Page 19 of In This Moment
Help me to be like them, Lord. The silent prayer came from Luke’s heart.Let me keep the faith of a child. And let me keep the prayer of a child.Hayley’s words echoed in Luke’s soul.We asked God to show us the way, and that’s just what He did.
As the group cleaned up their picnics and loaded the baskets and pumpkins they had picked into their cars, Luke couldn’t help but think about his job. No matter how difficult the cases, Luke was grateful.
If things got bad enough, he would just remember Hayley’s prayer. And Luke would ask God to show him the way. And that’s what God would do. He had to believe for such a time as this, while he was blessed to be a religious freedom fighter.
While there were still religious freedoms left to fight for.
6
In her new life, the one without Wendell Quinn, the same crazy thing happened to Alicia Harris every morning. Today was no different. Alicia opened her eyes and in the bleary line between night and day she literally could see the man she still loved. As if Wendell was standing before her. His kind brown eyes would look into hers and she would feel the way she did whenever she was with him: Safe. Loved.
Whole.
And in the dream she was sure she was talking to him in his office. Talking about how they might have a future together and...
And then the reality hit. The way it did every morning.
She rolled onto her side and stared at the alarm clock.
Her life no longer included Wendell. The world of Hamilton High was behind her. These days she worked at a different high school, across town, and she only kept up with Wendell through the Facebook pages of her former co-workers.
Since their breakup, Alicia had not once looked into Wendell’s kind eyes. She hadn’t once walked into his office and talked to him about her fears, hadn’t felt his arms safe around her. Hadn’t dreamed with him about a life together.
Other than when she slept, her days with Wendell were, and always would be, part of her past. A million miles from the here and now.
Alicia sat up in bed and took a slow breath. The panic attacks had been gone for months now. Nothing in her new life triggered the anxiety. Just two Xanax a day and her doctor was happy with her progress. “You seem to be doing fine,” he’d told her at her last appointment.
But her aching soul was another story.Why, God...why do You let these dreams happen? I’ve asked You, please...take him away from me. Won’t You do that? She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. She hated that she was so weak, that she was prone to anxiety. Hated the disorder with everything in her. But she couldn’t change it. Some days she wondered if her life would be better if she’d never met Wendell Quinn.
At least then she wouldn’t have to suffer the heartache of losing him.
Alicia opened her eyes. The thing was, Wendell thought Alicia had broken up with him because of the Raise the Bar program. But that was only part of it. She leaned back against the headboard and remembered that awful day once more. The one when she came home from Hamilton High with a decision to make.
She remembered every detail. How she had warmed up a plate of food and checked messages. That’s when she noticed she had a second message from Jack Renton. In the two minutes it took to listen to his voice, Alicia had yet another reason to walk away from Hamilton High and Wendell Quinn.
Alicia closed her eyes and Jack’s words came back to her again. She didn’t have them memorized. Over the past year, she had done her best to forget them. But his evil intent remained, ingrained on her heart, forever etched in her mind. Jack had told her he was tired of waiting, tired of playing nice. She would be his one day soon. Period. If that meant getting rid of people in the way, so be it.
Jack’s final words had been chilling.
“I’ll have you, Alicia, or no one will. I’d rather spend the rest of my life locked up than see you with someone else.”
The memory still made Alicia sick. She pictured Wendell and his four kids, how they’d looked that day at the pool, all of them laughing and playing. She could never put them in danger. Even if it meant being single and alone forever.
How could I believe I might marry a man like Wendell Quinn? That he and his beautiful kids might someday be my own? I could never be good enough for them.
She opened her eyes and after a minute, she climbed out of bed. Her heart would always ache for Wendell. She missed him with every breath. During the day she didn’t give herself time to think about him, to miss him. But in the morning—after seeing him in her dreams—she allowed herself the pain of remembering just a little. Enough to keep the good times alive.
Deep breath, Alicia. Deep breath.
A few minutes of stretching would clear her head, get her ready for another day of teaching. She bent at the waist and hugged her knees to her chest. The tension that had built up in the past twenty-four hours eased from her legs and spine.
After Jack’s ominous message, Alicia had known just one way to be certain nothing would happen to Wendell and his kids. She broke things off with Wendell the next day, and requested a change of schools. It was one thing to stop dating Wendell. But to walk by his office every day would be too much.
Wendell had been hurt, of course. They both had been. But he’d respected her wishes. Anything to help her find relief from the panic attacks. A few weeks into the fall semester, Alicia was moved fifteen miles away to Jackson High School.
At first her old boyfriend left messages for her every day and her anxiety grew. Panic attacks happened every day, because this time Wendell wasn’t there to help her. The calls lasted all fall semester. The threats were always the same: She’d better not date. No sneaking around with another guy. He would kill anyone who got in the way.
Alicia saved the messages—in case they were ever needed in a trial. But she only rarely considered using them to press charges against Jack. What could the legal system do? Again she thought about filing a restraining order, but then what? They wouldn’t arrest a millionaire do-gooder for a couple of threatening phone calls. He would find his way free of any charges and then he would kill her.
