Page 39 of When We Were Young
“Someone who loves you would never make you leave Clara.” He stood and helped her to her feet. “I’ll be your friend if that’s what you want. But just remember that.” He looked at her for a few seconds and then gave her a sad smile and turned toward his bedroom.
At Clara’s door, Emily watched Noah stop and give a few light knocks. “Clara? You cleaning up?”
“Yes.” Her answer was slow and drawn out. “Come in.”
Noah looked back at Emily and then, leaving the door open, he joined Clara in the bedroom. Emily heard his voice turn cheerful. “Hey there. I still want to hear about your day.”
“Yes.” Clara didn’t need a lot of words to express her love for Noah Carter. Her tone said everything.
Emily stood there in the living room like her feet were stuck in cement, replaying what had just happened. The kiss that had her still catching her breath, and the intent of Noah’s words. That if someone loved her, they would have to love Clara, too. The two sisters could never be separated. Noah understood.
After that Noah seemed careful to keep his distance. Emily hated every minute of it. All she could think about was his kiss, his arms around her. Instead, Noah spent more of his time at home with Clara. The two of them would sit together at the dining room table doing schoolwork.
Sometimes Emily felt like an outsider, like Noah preferred Clara’s company to hers. One night after Clara went to bed, she asked Noah to come sit by her. “What’s happening?” She looked into his eyes, searching for answers. “You’re acting so different.”
It took him a minute to reply. Like he was choosing his words with great care. “I’m in love with you, Emily.” His eyes were bright with kindness and understanding. “You want only a friendship.” He took hold of her hand, but only for a brief moment. “I’m trying to figure out what that looks like.”
She nodded. “Fair enough.” What else could she say? She stared at her hand, the one he had just been holding. The feel of his skin against hers was still working its way through her body. “I’m sorry.” She lifted her eyes to his. “I... I don’t know any other way.”
“It’s okay.” His smile was the saddest thing she’d seen in a long time. “I’m trying to find my way to being just friends.”
Two weeks later Noah moved back into the dorm. He wasn’t cleared to play football, of course, but he was doing exceptionally well. His vision and memory were back to normal. No sensitivity to light and no more headaches. The first night he was gone, Clara didn’t eat her dinner. “I... wish he... was here.”
Emily could only agree. “I wish that, too.”
Everywhere she looked there were reminders of the days when Noah had lived there. The sofa where they sat and watched TV some nights, the table where they did homework. His bedroom. And the place in the living room where they’d stood when Noah kissed her.
That most of all.
Their friendship remained and grew deeper. Noah was on the injured list the rest of the football season, but that meant he had more time with Emily and Clara. He shared Thanksgiving and Christmas with them and the whole time he never again tried to kiss her. Brief hugs. Nothing more. Emily understood. His way of figuring it out. Like he had told her.
In January, Noah attended her dance recital and for just a moment from stage, Emily caught his eyes. And in that single instant she knew. He didn’t really see her as a friend, he never would. Noah was in love with her, through and through.
But Emily didn’t know how deeply she’d fallen for Noah until the end of February, when he made a decision that rocked her world. One she didn’t see coming.
He was going to play football again.
Despite the doctor’s warning, and even a serious discussion with his head coach and parents, Noah’s mind was made up. He’d been on a scholarship to Indiana, the only way his family could’ve afforded for him to attend school there. By playing again, he would keep his financial assistance. Not only that, but he had been at the top of his game when he got hit. He tried to explain it to Emily one evening at her house. Clara sat nearby, doing her homework.
“What if someone told you dance was over. Finished.” He leaned closer to her, his elbows on his knees. “And you fought and prayed and got stronger. Then you woke up one day and realized maybe it wasn’t over. Maybe there was still a way.” He paused. “Wouldn’t you take that chance, Emily?”
Their faces inches apart, all Emily wanted was for him to kiss her again. She wanted to tell him not to do it, that she loved him and couldn’t bear to see him hurt again. But the look in his eyes told her he was convinced about his decision. If she was going to be his friend, Emily needed to support him.
“I would.” She remembered to smile. “I’d want to dance again.”
“Good.” He sat back and exhaled. “So you understand this? Please... tell me you understand?”
“I do.” She pushed away the fear inside her. Where he wouldn’t see it. “Football is what you do. If... the doctor says it’s okay and if your headaches are gone, then...”
“I have clearance.” He chuckled. “From the team doctor. He didn’t like it, but he gave it.” Noah took hold of Emily’s hand, the way he still sometimes did. “My coach gave me a test to see my reaction time, to see if the concussion did any lasting damage. Emily, I’m fine. Better than fine.” He laughed again. “Or at least I will be when I get back to the gym.”
He explained his reasons in more detail. The team doctor had studied his MRI tests and told Noah that his concussion hadn’t been as serious as he’d originally thought. Besides, guys came back from serious hits to the head all the time. It was part of the game. Especially when they recovered as well as Noah had.
So that was exactly what Noah did. He worked out like his life depended on it, pushing himself further and harder than at any other time in his life. And the work paid off. He played well during spring practice and when summer camp started he was in the best shape he’d ever been in.
When Emily asked him how things were going, Noah’s answer was the same every time. Football season couldn’t get there fast enough.
Emily and Clara would go watch his scrimmages in the heat of those July afternoons. Always Emily caught herself holding her breath, reminding herself to exhale. She had read up on concussions and she knew what Noah had never told her. No matter how well he performed on reaction tests, regardless of how strong he got, another hit to the same spot of his head could do permanent damage or worse. It could kill him.
