Page 56 of When We Were Young
“It’s not your fault.” A sigh filtered up from Emily’s chest. “She hates change. It can trigger a meltdown in someone with cerebral palsy.” She stared at the shag carpet beneath her feet and shook her head. “That’s why I work so hard, Noah. To keep her routine the same. Day after day.”
“I didn’t know she’d react like that.” He took her hand. “Emily, look at me.” He waited until their eyes found each other. “I’m sorry. I won’t bring it up again.”
She said something next that would stay with him. “I’m never taking Clara away from here. This is her home.” Her look lingered, as if she didn’t want to spell out exactly what she meant. “Please... don’t talk to her about it again.”
The conversation sent Noah into a tailspin worse than either of his concussions. This was what he’d worked for all his life, right? A trip to the NFL. But if Emily and Clara wouldn’t go with him, then what choice did he have?
Four days later Emily invited him to her house after his workout. It was past nine o’clock by the time he got there, so Clara was in bed. Noah knew something was terribly wrong the minute he saw Emily.
She invited him in and led him to the sofa, the place where they’d had so many conversations before. Only this time Noah could tell something was different. Emily clearly had been crying, but her eyes were dry now.
When they were seated, facing each other, their knees touching, Emily took his hands. There was nothing subtle about the reason he was there, no breaking it to him over a series of minutes. He knew what this was about before she opened her mouth. Finally she looked into his eyes and said the words he never thought he’d hear. “We have to end this, Noah. It’s over.”
He felt sick to his stomach and all sound shut down. For the next few seconds he couldn’t hear anything she said. Like he had been sucked into a vacuum with no way out. But eventually her words started landing on him again.
“The NFL is your dream, Noah. You need to go.” Her tone was gentle, but firm. Obviously she’d thought this through. “I refuse to hold you back, but... it’s like I told you when you met us. Clara comes first.” Emily looked around the small house. “This is her home. Nothing can ever change that.”
Noah had known they were running headlong into a brick wall, that an impasse was at hand. But somehow the breakup threw him like nothing ever had. His first words came from a place of hope. A certainty that if they talked their way through it there might still be a chance.
“Then stay here.” He grabbed at anything that might make sense. “I’ll live there half the year and here the other half. Whatever it takes.”
She shook her head. “That isn’t fair. You need a girl who will stand by you, be there for you after practice. Hold you after a hard week and sit front row for every home game.” Fresh tears filled her eyes. “I can’t be that girl, Noah. You need to go. Find the life you’re supposed to live.”
“No, Emily.” He was on his feet. “If you won’t fight for us, I will. There is a way. There has to be.”
But no matter how long they talked that night, her answer was the same. It was over. She walked him out long before he was ready to leave. As he was about to say goodbye she came to him instead. Her hands were on his face and in his hair and she was kissing him.
Like she might die if he ever left.
He kissed her, too, holding her like he was clinging to his very life. His lips were on hers, his hands pressing her to himself. Between kisses he looked into her eyes. “Please, don’t do this, baby. We can find a way.”
But after a few minutes she stepped back. They were both breathing hard, both terrified and sick about what was happening. Emily shook her head. “We can’t, Noah.” She closed her eyes. “Go. Please, go.”
Begging her was out of the question at that point. Noah had been trying to change her mind for the past few hours. And so he did what she asked him to do. He backed down the porch steps and then he walked to his car. He didn’t say goodbye. He couldn’t. It was the one word he never wanted to say to Emily Andrews, even then.
Noah didn’t sleep all that night. He was too busy working out scenarios where he and Emily could stay together. Even if it meant great sacrifice. He would bear any hardship for her. Whatever it took he was willing.
But Emily wasn’t. She insisted he needed something more, and nothing was going to change her mind.
For the first few days, Noah was too numb to break down, too devastated to call Emily and beg her again. He avoided her in the cafeteria at dinnertime and took different routes to his classes so they wouldn’t meet up.
He could only imagine how upset Clara must’ve been. She didn’t want Emily to end things with Noah any more than she wanted to move to San Diego. But the breakup was done. As tormented as Noah was about Emily’s decision, a part of him was angry at her. If she really loved him, wouldn’t she have at least tried? If he wanted to split his time between San Diego and Bloomington, what was it to her? She could’ve given the situation a chance.
Overnight, football became his only life. God and the sport he loved. If Emily wasn’t going to try, then he had to let her go. Best to get to San Diego as soon as possible.
So he could move on.
But no matter what he spent his hours doing that weekend, he couldn’t get Emily’s face out of his mind. He missed her more with every breath. The feeling of her fingers laced between his was forever etched on his soul. Her voice and laugh and the way she looked at him when she was in his arms.
The ache in his heart was a physical presence that Noah couldn’t bear. He needed to see her, had to talk sense into her. No one had a love like they did. They needed to try a long-distance relationship before she could give up on the idea.
He’d gone to a different church that Sunday so he wouldn’t run into her. He didn’t want to have to pretend things were over, pretend he was okay with being broken up. Better to avoid her altogether. But that evening he couldn’t wait another minute.
Noah picked up his phone, but before he could place the call, the phone began to ring. He hesitated before he realized what had happened. She was calling him, just when he was about to dial her. His heart beat hard against the wall of his chest. “Hello?”
“Noah. Please...” She’d been crying again. He could hear it in her voice. “Please come over.”
He was on her front porch ten minutes later. This time she fell into his arms as soon as he walked inside. “I’m sorry.” Tears streamed down her face. “I’m so sorry.”
