Page 7 of When We Were Young
Week after week after week for the past year.
They would spend those two hours chatting with the other couples about their workdays and deadlines and kids and houses. They would eat dinner with the appropriate laughter and speak kind words for Kari Taylor’s cooking. Kari was part of the Baxter family. Everyone in Bloomington knew and loved the Baxters. It was easy to find nice things to say.
Then when their Bibles were open, Emily and Noah would take turns reading right along with everyone else. Once on the short way home, Noah had stopped the car. “Just two things that really matter, right?” He had looked so handsome, so much like the Noah she had fallen in love with. His eyes had held a glimmer of hope. “Love God? Love people? Right?”
“Right.” Emily had watched him. Wishing things were different.
“Then why...” Noah’s look had gotten deeper. A look of heartbreak and defeat. His voice fell to a broken whisper. “Why can’t we love each other? The way we used to?”
Emily had no answers. Not then and not now. She could hardly remember why they had fallen in love in the first place. As if their suffocating marriage had changed her. The way it had long since changed him.
Some Wednesdays after meeting at the Taylors’ house Emily would sense progress. Even a little. Times when he would take her face in his hands and brush his cheek against hers. He would whisper words he hadn’t said in forever. “I love you, Emily. We can do this. We can.”
But the trying and failing and hiding it from their friends all came to an end last month. They stopped going to Bible study and about that time Noah sat her down after the kids were in bed. Then he spoke words she never thought she’d hear. “Emily... I rented an apartment.”
The ground turned to quicksand, and Emily wondered if she might slip between the tiles and die right then and there. It took a minute to find her voice. “You... what?”
“I’ll move out the third of November.” His tone was gentle. “We both know it’s our only option. For the kids.”
For the kids?Emily hated that phrase. Did Noah really think divorce would be good for their babies? How could that even be possible?
The broken moments of their recent past stopped replaying for a minute. Emily watched the kids taking turns on the slide.
Noah had explained himself a dozen times since then. Aiden and Olivia were young. They would never know what they’d lost. Never remember the family they once had, or what it was like living together in the same home. That had to be better than raising them together in a world of fighting and bickering. Better to be apart, Noah had said a dozen times. Where their lives could be full of light and love. In two separate happy homes.
A chill ran down Emily’s arms. Thunder sounded in the distance. Light and love? Two separate happy homes? How could Noah think this divorce would lead to that?
Her response had been the same every time Noah brought it up. The only way for the kids to win was for them to win. Pure and simple. They needed to find a way back to what used to be. That long-ago time when love was real and they were real. When everything didn’t have to be an opportunity for a viral post on Instagram.
Emily thought about their social media name. The one that was famous. @When_We_Were_Young. If only they could remember what that felt like. The two of them and only the two of them. Another rumble of thunder. “Okay, kids. Time to go.”
“One more time, please!” Aiden was at the top of the slide. Olivia, too.
She smiled at them. Aiden looked so much like Noah. “Okay. One more.”
Her breath felt heavy as she exhaled. Deep down, Emily knew this suffocating ending was killing Noah, same as it was killing her. Neither of them wanted their marriage to die. But here they were.
And tomorrow Noah Carter, the only man she’d ever loved, would leave and start a new life. Because the bridge between them had long since been shattered, and they had no way to the other side.
Emily imagined the scene in the morning. When Noah Carter drove out of her life. If her heart was still beating tomorrow at this time it would be a miracle.
Rain started to fall as Emily slung her bag over her shoulder and lifted Olivia into her arms. Aiden stayed close beside her as they headed to the car. On the way they passed the four plastic dinosaurs. The ones Olivia liked best.
“Dinoars, Mama!” She pointed as they hurried by. A whimper came from her. “Dinoars!”
“Not now, sweetie.” Emily sped up her pace as another clap of thunder hit. “It’s about to pour rain.”
The wind picked up, but Aiden didn’t seem bothered. “You know what I did, Mommy?” He grinned up at her. “I pretended the swing was a spaceship! And the slide was a planet far, far away.” He skipped a few times and held his hands up toward the rain. His laughter eased the pain in her heart. “You know why, Mommy? Cause I’m good at pretending.”
Me, too,she thought. They reached the car and she buckled Olivia in first. Aiden climbed into his car seat on his own, then Emily walked to the other side of the SUV and made sure he was buckled tight. She looked straight into her little boy’s eyes. “Ithoughtyou were in a spaceship.” Emily found her smile. “You looked like a big, strong astronaut.”
“Thanks, Mommy.” He giggled again and pointed to his sister. “Livi really wanted to play on the dinosaurs. That was going to be her best part.”
“Dinoars.” Olivia shrugged her shoulders. “Dinoars... night-night.”
Emily hurried to the driver’s seat and slid behind the wheel. “Yes, Olivia. Dinosaurs had to go night-night.”
“Mommy.” Aiden looked at Emily’s eyes in the rearview mirror. “Livi’s still working on sayingdinosaur. We can give her some time.”
