Page 69 of When We Were Young
“In our closet.” He searched her eyes, her heart. “It’s a long story. Anyway, I don’t know, Kari. I’ve been thinking about us, and the announcement to the kids.” He sighed. “I found this and decided to read your mom’s words again. After I did, I thought maybe you’d want to read them, too.”
A frustration spread through Kari. Was he trying to show her how wrong she was? That she should be happy for him because that’s what the Bible said? But still her mother’s words pressed in deep against her soul. How selfish had she been feeling lately? Worried about a move more than the man she married?
She blinked and turned to face Ryan. “I don’t know what would’ve led you to the closet.” She lifted the pages a few inches. “Or how you knew what I was feeling.” Tears fell onto her cheeks. Her words were strained, her heart breaking. “But this... it’s exactly what I’ve been trying to do. Please don’t tell me how I’m failing at it.”
Confusion lined his forehead. “That’s... not why I brought it to you.”
“What?” Kari shook her head. “I don’t understand. And why now, in the middle of the night?”
“It’s a crazy story.” Still holding her hand, Ryan rested his elbows on his knees, his face closer to hers. “I was sound asleep and something woke me up.” He paused. “Or Someone.” He looked at the document and then back to Kari. “You weren’t in bed, so I got up to look for you. But there was a light on in the closet.”
A light?“I didn’t leave it on.”
“Me, either.” He raised both his shoulders, the beginning of a smile at the corners of his lips. “I have no idea. But there—on the floor—was this envelope.”
“On the floor of the closet?”
“Yes.” He straightened and leaned back. “Kari... I spent the last half hour reading it, and praying about everything your mother believed about marriage.” His eyes shone with the impact he had apparently experienced. He reached out for the pages. “May I?”
Kari released his hand and gave them over.
“I feel like I was just sitting with your mother.” Sadness colored his eyes again. “It made me remember how much I miss her.” He looked at the printed pages and seemed to search for a specific section. “Here. Listen to this. It’s from your mom’s second point. Marriage is not 50/50.”
A wave of anticipation came over Kari. Where was Ryan going with this?
He began to read. “?‘The Bible is very clear about men and women’s roles in marriage. The Bible says that the man must love as Christ loved the church, laying down his life for his wife.’?” He stopped and looked right at her. All the way to her heart. “I haven’t been doing that, Kari. I made the decision about Arizona with almost no discussion.” He hesitated. “I assumed it was from God because it came my way. Without any real thought of you.”
“Ryan...” She could feel her heart softening.
“There’s more.” He found his place on the page again. “When a man loves like that, when he leads like that, a woman can easily respect him. That marriage will work beautifully, and both husband and wife will win.”
He set the document down and took hold of her hands. “You’ve respected me from the minute I brought up the possibility of the move.” His voice fell, his words colored with obvious pain. “But you were also honest.”
She winced. “A little too honest.”
“No.” He released her hands and picked up the document again. For a long while he stared at it, turning the pages. “Every word your mom wrote. Every bit of wisdom spoke to me tonight.” He set the document down and found her eyes again. “I’m wrong, Kari. You have a right to share your thoughts on something like this.” He uttered a sad laugh. “I was so excited about the offer I didn’t give a whole lot of consideration to the impact on you and the kids. What it would be like leaving our family here in Bloomington.”
Kari couldn’t believe this was happening. It was the middle of the night and somehow Ryan had found her mother’s deepest thoughts on marriage and read them. And now... now she could hardly breathe. “I’m willing to move, Ryan.” She crossed her arms. A shiver worked its way down her spine. “You know that.”
“I do.” He leaned forward and touched her face. “You’d do anything for me. Go anywhere.” He sighed. “But this time around it’s my turn.”
The sky was still dark outside, the house still quiet. Kari searched his eyes. “I... I’m not sure what you mean.”
The resolve in his voice was undeniable. “I’m turning down the job, Kari. We’re staying here.”
Her heartbeat quickened. What was he saying? She squeezed Ryan’s hand. They weren’t moving to Arizona? Was he serious? “But...” Her thoughts swirled and she searched for the right words. “You really want this. It’d be huge for you. You said so yourself.”
“Yes. All true.” Passion rang in his voice. “But did you hear your mom’s words? They’re in the Bible. In Ephesians. I knew that, of course. But I looked them up before I came down to the kitchen.” He relaxed a little, like his decision was already made. “It’s not only that I’msupposedto lay down my life for you, Kari.” He stood and eased her to her feet and into his arms. With their faces inches apart, he lowered his voice to a whisper. “Iwantto.”
Suddenly Kari felt terrible. If she hadn’t complained, he wouldn’t consider turning down the job. “People don’t just walk away from a position like this.” She put her hand on his cheek and looked deep into his eyes. “I said I’d move, and I mean it.”
He shook his head. “No.” He smiled. “My mind is made up.” He kissed her forehead. “I’ll put my résumé in at Indiana and again with Jim Flanigan and the Colts. If God wants me to leave Clear Creek High, it’ll be obvious to both of us.”
The new truth was hitting her in waves. They weren’t moving, weren’t walking away from family and friends and all that they knew here in Bloomington. “Ryan.” She hung her head. Tears stung her eyes, but she didn’t cry. She was too overcome with joy and relief. “Are you sure?”
“Completely.” He moved in closer and kissed her lips. “I got carried away. The offer, the idea of heading up a major college program.” He was still talking in quiet tones, careful not to wake the kids. “Then I thought about Emily and Noah.”
Kari nodded. “They need my mom’s wisdom.”
