Page 71 of When We Were Young
For a few seconds Emily didn’t respond. “The phone? You think that’s her problem?” A bitter laugh sounded across the line. “She’s smoking pot, Noah. Sleeping with some guy from juvenile hall. She’s a complete mess.”
No. He shook his head and covered his face with his free hand. Not his Olivia.Livi, sweetie, what happened?None of this could be true. “I thought she was into dance?”
Emily made an angry sound. “See, this is what I can’t stand about you. She’s not thirteen. She hasn’t danced since you missed her last recital the year she turned fourteen. Remember that?”
Not a bit,he wanted to say. But he didn’t want her to think he was crazy. His head was hurting again. “I’ve... I’ve been a terrible father.”
“It’s good to hear you admit it.” Her words were sharp, her tone even more so. “If only you hadn’t promised them you’d be there.” She exhaled. “You don’t know what it’s like to sit in the stands and watch Aiden’s games and see him look all over the stadium for you. After every single play.”
He had been a terrible, wretched father. How could he have let things get so bad?
She had more to say. “You don’t know what it was like to talk to our crying daughter after every dance recital you missed, promising her that yes, Daddy still loved her. He just forgot how to actually be a father.”
The pounding in his head was getting worse. Had he been to a doctor in all these years? Was this really his life, missing years at a time? Every word from Emily cut deep. Noah could only figure he hadn’t attended his kids’ events because his memory was such a mess. He couldn’t remember a thing and now his kids had paid the price.
Football had done him in, after all.
Noah changed gears. “So eleven o’clock at the school. I’ll see you there.” He needed to bring up the idea of a conversation. Now was as good a time as any. “And, Emily, I wonder if the two of us could get something to eat after.” He missed her so much. He wanted to feel her in his arms again. “Just the two of us. We really need to talk.”
Another sigh. “Noah, Bob and I are throwing the graduation party. You’re welcome to come, but clearly this afternoon is not the time for you and me to talk.”
“Bob?” He spoke the one-word question before he could stop himself.
“Okay, now I’m actually worried about you.” She was definitely running out of patience. “Yes, Bob. My husband.” She seemed to let that sink in. “He and I are throwing Olivia’s graduation party.” This time her tone softened. “Besides, what would you and I talk about? You’ve let the kids down time and time again. You’ve hurt them, Noah. I really don’t have anything to say to you.”
Noah slid to the floor. How could he blame her? He swallowed hard. “I understand. I’ll see you there, Emily.”
After the call, Noah checked the time. Ten o’clock. He had one hour to get ready and get to the school. He struggled to his feet. Every movement made him feel old. Like a man twice his age. Whatever Olivia thought about him, Noah couldn’t change that now. But he would be there this time.
While he brushed his teeth and dressed, and during the entire drive to Clear Creek High, fear stayed right next to him, grabbing at his throat time and again. Olivia was eighteen and dating a thug? She was smoking pot? Noah hated all of this. But what could he do now? It was his fault she was this way. He had ignored his kids and failed them on a hundred levels. Of course she was a mess.
He found Emily in the school gymnasium. Noah ignored the Bob guy standing next to her. He refused to acknowledge the man with more than a brief nod. Bob wasn’t Emily’s husband. Noah was. He had promised her forever a lifetime ago, and he meant it. He still meant it. “So... the ceremony is in here?”
“Yes.” She looked him up and down. “You look nice.” It wasn’t so much a compliment as a statement of relief. “Thank you for putting in the effort.”
It was obvious she was making clear just one point. In every way that mattered, Noah had been a terrible father. The absolute worst. And for that he was deeply sorry. But he couldn’t talk about that here. Not now. Instead he smiled at her. “Of course.” He looked toward the stage. “Where’s Olivia? Can we see her before it starts?”
Emily seemed to weigh that. “You can try.” She shrugged. “Might make her whole day. That girl would do anything to get your attention.”
Again Noah’s headache pounded against his skull. The comments just kept coming, all of them telling him the same thing. He walked to the stage and jogged up the stairs, where he was about to go behind the heavy velvet curtain when a tall, handsome young man approached him. Noah squinted. In the dim lighting, he wasn’t sure but... this had to be Aiden. His boy all grown up.
He got closer and it was obvious. This was definitely Aiden. “Son.” Noah did his best not to make the word a question.
“Dad.” He looked frustrated. He lowered his voice and glanced over his shoulder. “Why areyouback here?” He took a step closer. “You’re just going to make things worse.”
Noah tried to think of something to say. “I... I love her, Aiden. It’s her graduation.”
“Yeah, well.” Aiden reached into the back pocket of his black jeans and pulled out a folded envelope. “I wrote this. In case you actually showed up.” He handed the letter to Noah. “Just so you have even the slightest idea how I feel about you.” His pause held the weight of the world. “How all of us feel.”
“Okay.” Noah’s head pounded in time to his heartbeat. He peered behind the curtain. “So... you think I should talk to her later?”
For a long moment Aiden just drilled his eyes into Noah’s. “I don’t think you should talk to her at all.” He gave a single, angry shake of his head. “But that’s just me.” Without waiting for any response, Aiden started to back up. Then he stopped himself. “I’m sitting with Mom and Bob. Maybe you could find a different spot.”
Noah nodded. “Yeah.” Did his kids really hate him so much? He didn’t want to think about what else he’d done over the years to warrant this. He tried to stay in the moment. His voice sounded like it might break, his heart filled with apology. “Yeah, I’ll do that.”
Aiden turned to leave.
“Wait.” Noah reached for him, but stopped short.
