Page 79 of When We Were Young
Aiden’s voice trailed off. His look gave Noah a sinking feeling. Like however bad things were, they were about to get worse. Noah released his son’s hands and sat up straighter. “Tell me.”
“I will.” A slow breath leaked from Aiden’s lips. “Let me tell you about myself first. It’s a better story.”
Noah’s heart raced, echoing through his head and intensifying the pain in his temples. He had no choice but to wait. Besides he could use a little good news. “Okay.”
“I played football for Michigan—your old college rival.” Aiden smiled. Whatever grudge he’d held against Noah, it was gone now. “People used to say that was why you didn’t go to my games. You wouldn’t set foot in Michigan Stadium.”
“No.” He shook his head. More pain. How come he hadn’t asked Aiden what school he was at when they saw each other at Olivia’s graduation? How much had he missed over the years? The reality was devastating. “That wasn’t it. I would’ve been at every game, Aiden. I meant to be there.”
“I know.” A sad smile played on Aiden’s lips. “You meant a lot of things, Dad.” He crossed his arms. “Anyway, I went to Fellowship of Christian Athletes at Michigan. I was one of the leaders by the time I was a senior.”
FCA? Noah had known about them when he was at Indiana. But there hadn’t been time to get connected. Not when he spent every spare moment with Emily and Clara. “Are... you still involved?”
“In a way.” Aiden’s eyes lit up some. “I’m a youth pastor now. I help kids at Clear Creek Community. Mom says it’s the church you and her and Aunt Clara used to attend.”
Yes. Clear Creek. Noah closed his eyes. He’d ruined everything. And still God in all His goodness had spared Aiden. He blinked back a rush of tears and looked long at his son. “So... you believe? You and Jesus, you’re close?”
“Very much.” Aiden’s smile reached deep into his eyes. “Mom says it was Aunt Clara’s last wish for me. That I’d love Jesus always.” He gave a shake of his head. “Sometimes I can almost feel her praying for me from heaven.”
“Yes.” Noah sensed the first tears trickle down his face. “That would be her.”
“Anyway, my work now is helping teens.” His smile dropped off. “A lot of them are from broken homes and, well, I’ve been there.” He paused. “I figure maybe I can help a few of them. So they don’t wind up like... Olivia.”
That was coming, whatever had happened to Olivia. But for now Noah listened to his son. The pain he had caused was something Aiden was using to help other kids. Kids like he was. Back when Noah was busy breaking his son’s heart day after day, one missed moment after another.
The tragedy of it all had shaped Aiden. It defined him. And that was more sorrow than Noah could bear.
“One of the reasons I’m here is to look you in the eyes and tell you something that’s been weighing on me for a couple years.” This time Aiden reached for Noah’s hands. “I forgive you, Dad. That day at Olivia’s graduation you told me you were sorry.”
One of the few moments Noah remembered.
“Dad, I was so filled with hatred... so much anger and pain. I couldn’t hear it.” He let go of Noah’s hands and sat back in his chair again. “But I hear it now. I see it in your eyes, and I forgive you. I really do.”
It was a gift Noah didn’t deserve. Not at all. His tears came harder as he nodded. “If only... I could do things over.” The thought hung in the air between them for a minute. Then Noah dragged his palms over his face. He had to compose himself. Aiden had information he desperately needed. “What was I doing? All those times when I wasn’t there?”
Aiden shrugged and looked around, like he was trying to find the kindest words to form an answer. “You... had a lot of friends. Girls. People you met online.”
“Like... from a website?” Noah couldn’t imagine himself hitting on girls over the Internet.
“Fans mostly.” Aiden’s shoulders slumped a little. “The ones who used to think you were the perfect husband for Mom. They wanted to be next after you moved out.”
Disgust washed over Noah. He shuddered at the picture. “So... I spent my time with them? Is that what you’re saying?”
“I guess. I mean... you’ve had four or five girlfriends. Some of them had kids, so yeah. You were busy with them.”
Noah thought about the handful of days he remembered from the past almost twenty years. Not once had he been with a woman. Always the only one he ever wanted was Emily. He shook his head. “I... don’t remember them.”
“The times you came around to see Olivia and me, you were between relationships. Full of sorrow and promises.” Aiden’s voice sounded sadder now. Regret for himself and for Noah. “It was the same thing every time.”
What could Noah say? “I never...” He gritted his teeth and looked directly at his son. “I never loved anyone but your mother. I love her still.”
Aiden just stared at him. “She’s pretty amazing.”
“She is. She always was.” Noah could see her again, her pretty face and long blond hair. The way she looked dancing with him in the living room. “I miss her with every breath.”
Something in Aiden’s expression changed. Like this part was going to be difficult, too. “She’s moving. She and Bob.” His eyes held a resignation. “I’ve invited them to church a number of times, but they’re not interested. Bob got a transfer to Los Angeles. They leave after New Year’s.”
Of all the things Aiden had said, this was the craziest. Emily would never leave the kids. If Aiden and Olivia were here in Indiana, then she would be here, too. Regardless of Bob’s situation. “I... can’t believe that. What does Olivia think?”
