Page 26 of Two Weeks
“There’s always a chance. I have another friend who struggled to get pregnant.” Brooke went on about the friend who had been unable to have a baby for six years and then—for no reason in particular—she got pregnant.
Lucy tried to listen, but she couldn’t. She’d heard some version of that story every time the topic came up. Friends, family members, medical personnel. Everyone had a success story.After so many years, all of a sudden...
They were only trying to encourage her. But what did someone else’s story have to do with Aaron and her? That’s what Lucy could never figure out.
Brooke was still talking. “So there’s always hope.” Her smile was bathed in sympathy. She reached out and briefly covered Lucy’s hand with her own. “You know that. Working in this profession.”
The expression on Brooke’s face was identical to the one Lucy always saw sitting across from her. People looked the same when they talked to her about babies. When they asked her what she and Aaron had tried and what options they might’ve missed in their quest for a child.
This was why Lucy hated when Aaron told people their story, how she couldn’t get pregnant and how there was still no baby in their lives. It made her feel broken and outcast. Defective. Especially here with Brooke.
But since her new friend already knew, there wasn’t much Lucy could hide. Still, she could change the subject. “Tell me about your girls. You and Peter never had trouble getting pregnant?”
“No. That wasn’t our problem.” Brooke’s voice fell some. Clearly there was some other trouble. When Lucy didn’t say anything, Brooke drew a slow breath. “Our littlest, Hayley, suffered a drowning accident when she was three.” Brooke tilted her head, like she was underlining the point. “She’s eighteen now, but... it’s not something we’ll ever get over.”
“Brooke...” Lucy felt her heart fall to the floor. She couldn’t imagine. “I’m so sorry.”
“Me, too.” Brooke nodded. “I don’t talk about it much anymore.” She paused. “The girls were at a birthday swim party. Peter was in charge of them.” Her smile looked desperately sad. “I don’t say that with any accusation. Not anymore.”
Lucy waited, not sure how much Brooke wanted to say.
“I was called in to work at the hospital, and Peter said he would watch the girls.” Brooke did a slow shrug, like even after all these years she still wasn’t sure what had happened. Her expression grew distant. “Hayley had arm floaties. The rule was she had to keep them on the whole time. But the kids came in for cake and...”
Brooke’s voice trailed off, and tears shone in her lashes. Lucy felt her own eyes well up. “Next thing anyone remembers, Hayley was missing. And they were calling her name and no one could find her.” Brooke stared at her coffee. “Peter was the first to see her in the pool. He jumped in and pulled her out. She was basically dead at that point. No telling how long she’d been in the water.”
Lucy felt sick to her stomach. Now it was her turn to reach out and put her hand over Brooke’s. She had no words.
“Some days I still can’t believe it happened.” Brooke uttered a sad sound. “Even now.” After a long pause she finished the story. “Peter gave her CPR. Saved her life, for sure. I showed up as the ambulance was arriving and they rushed her here.” Brooke’s eyes were clearer now. “No one thought she’d live. Or if she did, they told us she’d be blind and living in a hospital bed.”
“But that didn’t happen?” Lucy felt hope at the center of her soul. As if Hayley had been her own daughter. “She can see and walk, right?”
The most genuine smile took over Brooke’s face. “She talks a little slower than you and me, but Hayley is perfect. She is cognitively aware of all things. She can even ride a bike. Something my dad prayed for every day.”
“Wow.” Lucy sat back and folded her arms. “I had no idea.” She felt herself opening up a little more. If Brooke could talk like this, she could, too. “I was sitting here thinking how I hate talking about our infertility. How it makes something so intimate between Aaron and me feel like a science experiment. And how it makes me feel inadequate as a mother. Like there’s something wrong with me.”
Brooke allowed a single nod, her eyes never leaving Lucy’s. “I thought you might be feeling that way. You’ve been different this past week. Quieter.” She took hold of her cup with both hands and sipped her drink. “Everyone has a story. Peter and I, we nearly lost our marriage over what happened to Hayley. But we clung to God and fought through.” She smiled again. “Next week is our anniversary.”
Lucy never dreamed they’d have so much in common, such hurt and insecurity about raising a family. She needed to be even more transparent. “A few weeks ago Aaron and I decided... we decided to stop trying.” The words sounded strange. Lucy set her elbows on the table and linked her fingers. “We’ll still be intimate. Of course. But no more ovulation tests and cutting out sugar and chasing after in vitro fertilization. I’m exhausted.”
“I get that.” Brooke waited, like she was being careful in choosing her words. “Aaron said the two of you... have been asking God for a baby for a long time.”
A sigh slipped silently through Lucy’s lips. She didn’t want to talk about this piece of it. How God impacted their situation. Or how He didn’t. “If God’s a part of all this, then He doesn’t want us having kids.” Lucy tried to cover up her anger, but her efforts didn’t work. “We’ve talked to Him a thousand times, and His answer is always the same. If He’s even listening.”
Brooke’s smile faded, but her expression filled with understanding. “I’ve been there.” She looked out the window for a long moment and then back at Lucy. “I used to stand by Hayley’s bed and beg God for her to come back. That I’d hear her little voice and laugh and see those eyes. Fully there. Fully my little girl.”
Tears blurred Lucy’s vision. She didn’t say anything. What could she say?
“Eventually God did bring her back to me. Different, but still my little girl.” A lightness lifted Brooke’s sorrow. “God heard me. He was there. He carried us through those times, I have no doubt.”
Sad as Brooke’s story was, Lucy had heard this sort of talk about God before. Someone else’s experience wasn’t about to push her to believing God cared. Or even that He was real.
Their break was just about up. Brooke stood and Lucy did the same. They tossed their empty cups in the trash and walked to the elevator. “I’m glad you and Aaron agree, about taking time off from trying.”
“Yes.” Lucy still didn’t like talking about it. But she enjoyed Brooke’s friendship more than she’d known before this afternoon. “It’s only February. Six months from now we might feel differently. I just need a rest. So Aaron and I can be us again.”
Brooke smiled as she pushed the elevator button for labor and delivery. “Sounds like a good plan.”
When they reached the nursery, they both cleaned their hands. Then Brooke made her rounds and Lucy checked on each infant in the ward. They were all well. Warm and getting whatever they needed while they were here. For the most part, healthy babies waiting to be reunited with their mothers.
