Page 47 of Truly, Madly, Deeply
Tommy appreciated that his mom didn’t make a dig about the time he’d spent with the ride-along program. During breakfast she’d been more relaxed. As if something had happened since yesterday to soften her.
He pushed back his plate. “Honestly… she looks terrible.” It felt good to talk about this. “Her mom bought her a wig—which she’s wearing at home. But it doesn’t hide how thin she is… or how weak.”
Last night at her house Annalee had collapsed on the way back from the bathroom. Tommy had been there to help her, but even then she couldn’t seem to make her legs work. More side effects from the chemo, her mother told Tommy. “I don’t get what God is doing.” He pushed his plate back. “We keep praying, but nothing. Like… is He even listening? Does He care?”
No wonder he’d had the crazy nightmare.
His dad took the question first. “Disease… sickness. It’s part of a fallen world, Tommy.”
“Sure, I know.” His tone sounded sharper than he meant it. “I’ve heard that. But God’s supposed to love us, right? And Annalee hasn’t done anything to deserve this. She’s the most faithful girl I know.”
“He does love her, Tommy. He loves you both.” His mom’s voice was gentle. Kinder than it had been in a while. “Still… I’m sorry.” She hesitated. “Tommy… I have to tell you something.”
He wasn’t sure where this was going.
His mother folded her hands on the table. “I’ve had… a very bad attitude toward your decision to dopolice work and the ride-along sessions. Even toward you.” Her voice grew softer still. “Your dad and I… we talked yesterday.”
“About what?”
“You being an officer.” She didn’t break eye contact with him.
“Okay.” The slightest hope lifted Tommy’s spirits. “How do you feel now?”
“Scared to death.” His mom didn’t blink, didn’t smile. “I don’t want to worry about you heading to work every day or wonder if your wife and kids might have to live without you.” She looked down at her hands for a long moment.
“Mom’s still working through it.” His father put his arm around her and looked at Tommy. “I think you can understand how she might feel.”
Actually, Tommy hadn’t thought about the danger. He faced his mother. “I guess… I thought you were upset because you wanted me to be successful.” He shrugged. “Make more money.”
“No.” His mom looked up. “That was never it.” She shook her head. “Police officers are some of the most successful people I know. Smart, courageous.”
Tommy waited, letting her finish.
“It was always this… this raging fear. Like a monster breathing down my neck. What if something happens to you, Tommy?” She sighed. “I don’t think I could take it.”
Wow. Tommy shifted his gaze back to the window and the orange and red leaves on the trees outside. Allthis time, here was why his mother had been so upset. Because she was afraid something was going to happen to him. The news made Tommy feel better. Her attitude had been so bad since he’d told them his decision, Tommy could only think she cared about the money he was walking away from.
Which hadn’t seemed like her at all. Plus, his mom had always been grateful for cops.
Tommy could remember times when their family had been out shopping or at a restaurant and his mom had gone out of her way to thank an officer. Why hadn’t this hit him before? Of course she was afraid. Danger was part of life for everyone who wore a police uniform. For any first responder, for that matter.
“Thank you for telling me.” He met his mother’s eyes. “Fear… it isn’t from the Lord, Mom. That’s what you always told us when we were growing up.” He thought for a moment. “Of course, I’m scared about Annalee. So I get it.”
“Trust God.” She looked off, as if she were seeing those old days again. Back when fear was about not getting hurt in a basketball game or making the right friends at school. “I don’t know how many times I told you that.”
“And you believe it.” His dad still had his arm around Mom. “You just have to remember how to let go.”
His mom nodded.
Tommy was still a little confused. “So… you’re not mad at me. But you still don’t want me to be a cop?”
“Yes.” His mom’s expression looked weary. “I’m sorry. I’ll work on it, but… yes, that’s where I’m at.”
“She’s trying.” His dad seemed to want to encourage Tommy.
Despite his mother’s troubled spirit, the conversation helped. Tommy felt more at peace as he headed off for his Saturday ride-along. Today—like the last few Saturdays—Tommy was riding with Officer Raul Garcia. He was tall with the build of an NFL linebacker.
“Call me Raul,” the officer had told Tommy their first time out together. “By the way, Lockwood’s superhigh on you.” Raul grinned. “Says you’ll probably run the place someday.”
