Page 24 of Forgiving Paris
But after a while, his kiss changed, and the passion and intensity were there for them both. Or maybe it was the impossibility of it all. He pulled back first, breathless in the freezing air. “Don’t leave, Ashley.” He kissed her again, her lips, then her cheeks and forehead, like he couldn’t get enough of her. “Please… don’t leave.”
There was no stopping her tears. All she wanted was to stay right here forever, in Landon’s arms, his lips on hers. But even this moment couldn’t change her mind. She kissed him, then. She held on to his face and kissed him the way she had wanted to at the party the other night. When they couldn’t find a minute alone.
Finally, she caught her breath, and she could feel her tears ice cold on her face. “I can’t stay.” Her voice sounded broken. “My teacher has everything set up. The flat where I’ll be staying. The job at the gallery.”
Gradually defeat colored his eyes and his expression.He nodded and once more he kissed her, but this time everything about it was sad. When he pulled back, he let himself get lost in her eyes one last time. “Come back to me, Ash. When this… running away is behind you. Please… come back.”
Ashley knew what he was going to say next, even before the sound left his lips. He lowered his face to hers once more and this time his kiss was brief. Final. As he eased back, he looked all the way to her soul. “I love you, Ashley Baxter. Don’t you ever forget it.”
They had never said the words to each other. Before the accident they had been in a relationship, and many times the moment had seemed almost right. But always Ashley had a way of keeping things light. Like she wasn’t sure she was ready to trust Landon with her whole heart. Even after so many years.
But especially not now. Her tears had dried, and she reached up and dusted a few snowflakes from his face. “I could never forget you, Landon Blake. Never.”
That was it. She couldn’t say anything more, couldn’t admit to having the same feelings—even if deep inside her the words were screaming to get out. Of course she loved Landon. She had loved him since he defended her to the rest of the kids in Mr. Garrett’s class. The day she came to school with her hair hacked off because some kid got his gum stuck in it.
Yes, she loved him. But she wouldn’t tell him now. He deserved someone better than her. Someone who would stand by him and believe in God the way he did. Someonecarefree and young and happy, without the struggles and painful memories of the accident, memories Ashley faced every hour of the day.
She took a step back and the cold engulfed her immediately. If only she could stay in Landon’s arms forever. Never be cold again. She smiled at him. “See you, Landon.”
He walked her to the door. There he kissed her one last time and then he moved back a few feet. “See you, Ashley.”
Her tears didn’t start again till she was inside the house. She shut the door and leaned against it, almost as if she could feel Landon’s presence through the thick wood. After a while, her father found her there in the dark foyer.
“Did Landon talk you into staying?” He stopped a few feet from her. Like everyone who loved her, Ashley’s dad hadn’t wanted her to go to Paris, either.
“He tried.” She shook her head. “But I’m going. He knows that.”
Her dad sighed. “You don’t have to go through with it, Ashley.” He pulled her into his arms and stroked the back of her head. “No one would think you failed if you stayed here. For now, at least.”
Ashley thought about all she had waiting for her in Paris. The room she was renting, her position at the gallery. The chance to take her four precious paintings to Paris and see if someone there saw what she saw. What her dad and mom saw. She clung to her father. “I have to go. It’s all I want to do.”
“Sweetheart.” The tenderness in his voice warmed her freezing heart.
She looked up.
“Please… tonight, pray about whether you should go.” He smiled, but that didn’t ease his obvious concern. “You can still get a refund on your ticket.”
“Thank you.” Her father meant well. Just like Kari and Landon. Just like her mom in the conversation they’d had earlier that morning. Everyone wanted her to reconsider—now, at the last minute. She took a deep breath. “I’m going, Dad. I have to try.” She shrugged. “I’m an artist. Or at least I think I am.”
“You are.” His smile deepened. “You always have been.”
“Right.” She looked off for a few seconds. “Everything’s lined up. If it’s going to happen for me, it’s going to happen now.”
“Okay.” Her father took his time, but eventually he nodded. “I wanted you to know how I feel. That I think this trip to Paris can wait. And I’d like you to pray about it.” He paused. “But if you’ve made up your mind, then your mother and I will take you to the airport tomorrow.”
She waited, her emotions swirling through her. Finally, she nodded. “Thanks, Dad.” She leaned up and kissed his cheek. “I need to finish packing.”
Her dad hugged her once more and Ashley jogged up the stairs. The feel of Landon’s kiss was still on her lips.
When she reached their room, Kari was asleep. Just as well. What would she know about Ashley’s feelings? Kariand her boyfriend, Ryan Taylor, were the perfect couple. Ryan played college football on TV and Kari’s work in design here at Indiana University had made her top of her class.
Of course, Kari didn’t understand. Her faith had never been tested. As for Ashley, every day she felt further from God. More removed from the Ashley Baxter she used to be before the wreck.
If God loved her, why had He allowed that truck to cross the line? Just as she had been approaching? And how come Jefferson had died? Why should she trust a God who had not prevented any of that?
Believing in Him, praying to Him, trusting Him… it all used to be so simple. Like waking up every morning. Faith was part of being a Baxter. But the truth was, the foundation Ashley had built her life on wasn’t crumbling.
It was gone.
